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Dark Poetry #4
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JenniferMaxwell
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0 posted 2008-02-28 07:44 PM


working title - warehouse

ragged form curled in a steel trap bed
fox sly sheets on a chalky sea
four dark corners tuck in the voices
night fishermen and netted lost children

eyes rolled back into the visions
fright to flight to fly to flee
the sparrow’s on a winter bough
awaiting the owl and absolution

evening dust settles on a hunger moon
howling tears the parchment thin skin
behind the curtain a parish of ghosts
keeper has opened the tabernacle
loosed stone gods a on brief green world


..........
reactions if any?    ty


[This message has been edited by JenniferMaxwell (02-29-2008 05:15 AM).]

© Copyright 2008 JenniferMaxwell - All Rights Reserved
midnightdreamer
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since 2008-02-03
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Roy,ut
1 posted 2008-02-28 07:47 PM


great poem!!!

midnightdreamer

black beautiful eyes looking back at me telling me, no fear will show.

Mystress May
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since 2007-10-25
Posts 296
Taunton, MA
2 posted 2008-02-28 07:48 PM


Jennifer! I LOVE this.... you're style is fantastic!
Grinch
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Whoville
3 posted 2008-02-28 08:19 PM



Game keeper, zoo keeper or priest?


Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
4 posted 2008-02-28 09:04 PM


While your profile doesn't request critiques, I won't offer one, but only the idea that this sounds not so much of a warehouse, unless you're warehousing children, as in an orphanage, for that is what came to mind.

Look forward to reading more of you, Jennifer.

Thank you.


JenniferMaxwell
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5 posted 2008-02-28 09:16 PM


Thanks very much, May, dreamer, Grinch and Sunshine. Didn't give you much of a clue, did I, Grinch? Now you'll see why - the opener (below) got x'd with a big fat red marker. I have to do better.
Working in frags and was curious about reactions to some of the images.
Sunshine, the warehouse is a geriatric psych ward.

Her gown was stained with a sundae sauce
a devilish temptation to break the will the terminal fast
of a soul committed to destroying its host
a body locked behind white walls


Grinch
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Whoville
6 posted 2008-02-29 04:08 PM



I still like the game keeper, zoo keeper and priest.

I like the geriatric psych ward too though. Can’t you do them all at once?

Course you can, you’re Jennifer Maxwell!
You’re multi-faceted so why can’t your poem be too? Fill your boots Jen.

JenniferMaxwell
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7 posted 2008-02-29 10:14 PM


A game keeper, zoo keeper and a priest - sounds like the beginning of a "went into a bar joke".
Think I'll leave that threesome for you, Grinch, but thanks for the very kind words.

Grinch
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Whoville
8 posted 2008-03-01 01:28 PM



quote:
Think I'll leave that threesome for you


Don’t hold your breath Jen but I might just give it a shot.




Grinch
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Whoville
9 posted 2008-03-01 04:53 PM


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JenniferMaxwell
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10 posted 2008-03-01 05:18 PM


Geez, how the heck did you come up with that so fast and still hit the target right on the bull's eye? I struggled for a week just to come up with a couple of rough frags on one element. Now I've gone all mopey and discouraged. There goes my slim volume (self-published but with a very arsty cover) right out the window!
Grinch
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Posts 2929
Whoville
11 posted 2008-03-01 06:06 PM



It would have been finished sooner but I was watching NCIS while writing.

If it helps the difference between mine and yours is that I enjoy reading yours.


JenniferMaxwell
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12 posted 2008-03-01 06:44 PM


Watching TV AND writing? Show off!

Thanks for the kind words, Grinch. The road is so long, the destination so far, finding my way in the dark is really quite a struggle.


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