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Dark Poetry #4
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frags from a WIP
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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frags from a WIP |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
working title - warehouse ragged form curled in a steel trap bed fox sly sheets on a chalky sea four dark corners tuck in the voices night fishermen and netted lost children eyes rolled back into the visions fright to flight to fly to flee the sparrow’s on a winter bough awaiting the owl and absolution evening dust settles on a hunger moon howling tears the parchment thin skin behind the curtain a parish of ghosts keeper has opened the tabernacle loosed stone gods a on brief green world .......... reactions if any? ty [This message has been edited by JenniferMaxwell (02-29-2008 05:15 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2008 JenniferMaxwell - All Rights Reserved | |||
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midnightdreamer Member
since 2008-02-03
Posts 309Roy,ut |
great poem!!! midnightdreamer black beautiful eyes looking back at me telling me, no fear will show. |
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Mystress May Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296Taunton, MA |
Jennifer! I LOVE this.... you're style is fantastic! |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
Game keeper, zoo keeper or priest? |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
While your profile doesn't request critiques, I won't offer one, but only the idea that this sounds not so much of a warehouse, unless you're warehousing children, as in an orphanage, for that is what came to mind. Look forward to reading more of you, Jennifer. Thank you. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Thanks very much, May, dreamer, Grinch and Sunshine. Didn't give you much of a clue, did I, Grinch? Now you'll see why - the opener (below) got x'd with a big fat red marker. I have to do better. Working in frags and was curious about reactions to some of the images. Sunshine, the warehouse is a geriatric psych ward. Her gown was stained with a sundae sauce a devilish temptation to break the will the terminal fast of a soul committed to destroying its host a body locked behind white walls |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
I still like the game keeper, zoo keeper and priest. I like the geriatric psych ward too though. Can’t you do them all at once? Course you can, you’re Jennifer Maxwell! You’re multi-faceted so why can’t your poem be too? Fill your boots Jen. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
A game keeper, zoo keeper and a priest - sounds like the beginning of a "went into a bar joke". Think I'll leave that threesome for you, Grinch, but thanks for the very kind words. |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
quote: Don’t hold your breath Jen but I might just give it a shot.  |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Geez, how the heck did you come up with that so fast and still hit the target right on the bull's eye? I struggled for a week just to come up with a couple of rough frags on one element. Now I've gone all mopey and discouraged. There goes my slim volume (self-published but with a very arsty cover) right out the window!  |
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Grinch Member Elite
since 2005-12-31
Posts 2929Whoville |
It would have been finished sooner but I was watching NCIS while writing. If it helps the difference between mine and yours is that I enjoy reading yours. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Watching TV AND writing? Show off! Thanks for the kind words, Grinch. The road is so long, the destination so far, finding my way in the dark is really quite a struggle. |
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