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Never There
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Never There |
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buckysimone Junior Member
since 2003-10-19
Posts 27 |
Looking for something never there, Listening for something that never existed, Saw something no one else could se, Smiling when it was never right to smile, laughing when I knew I shouldn’t, crying when the rest of you were smiling, hurtling biggest jumps ever imagined, finding the greatest thing of them all, A way to be happy, finding the never ending smile, never ending cries, and never ending drive to succeed, Realizing that my originality was all that I ever needed, but I pushed it too far and now I’m at a place I always wanted but wished I never got. |
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| © Copyright 2003 buckysimone - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Bucky, why not format this more like a poem? I think it might be a whole lot more interesting than like this. Pete |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I agree with Pete.  Even though he doesn't get free verse lolformat makes a great deal of difference in not only how the poem is read, but also helps at times in understanding the poets intent as well... |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
3 things There's a definite need for format. Losing the commas and inserting breaks will strengthen the effectiveness of the peom. The usage of the word smile. i counted at least four of them. it becomes redundant as is the line 'hurtling biggest jumps' Breaks will improve the poem giving it the proper flow and finding other words in the lines for smile or even shaving a line off would do wonders. |
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merc Junior Member
since 2003-10-15
Posts 35 |
If you want a bit of information on how to write an asymmetrical poem check this link. Also, reply to the feedback other people post and let us know what you think/if it helped/ask questions etc. |
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