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The Warming of a Poet
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Warming of a Poet |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
The Warming of a Poet Decades have come and gone since the first warming and now, to take chills off of time past I visit the deck, ‘neath shade of awning, a chair comfortably accepting me, to review my shadowed thoughts alone, on break of summer’s gleam, as his words sit gently by way of his book, the spine resting in the crevice of my thighs, he taught me of searching north, and south and when he looked north, then he caught the curve and carve of the red woulds and found himself at the ivory columns of welcome so entered there, to a fountain of youth in remembrance Visions of what was then brings back that first long ago flush and my temperature rises slightly with the noon his tutelage was kind and slow good and southerly he traveled abroad but always took me with him, he traveled light sun meets my face as the awning is pushed about by the winds of time and which then, warms… he holds me east to west encompassing me surpassing boundaries navigates the equator, we talk of circumference and gulf streams actions which speak louder than any word he ever wrote my eyes, closed wide open in memories of what is to come, then should I ever warm a poet in kind |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Ladyinwlite, The flow of this is warm and lithy on the tongue. Is it a tribute to a Poet? It is a very pleasing reading. Just a few questions/suggestions. * I wasn't sure what "woulds" meant. Did you mean "woods" or "wolds"? * The placement of "ago" seems a bit awkard. May "long ago" be put after "flush"? * "and my temperature rises slightly with the noon" If you meant "midday" perhaps "midday" be best. Noon is the "ninth" hour o clock Just like November is the ninth month, not September. Of course I may be the only one who cares about those things corresponding  Enjoyed your work. [This message has been edited by Essorant (10-21-2003 03:14 PM).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Rod McKuen at all? I'll come back to this later on  (famous last words eh? But I will I swear it hahah) K[This message has been edited by Severn (10-21-2003 04:54 PM).] |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Ah... my comments here did not take the format I wrote them in so are harder to discern and may confuse..if so..e-me... and I'll send you the word document I used.. as always my friend.. you know I would not be unkind.. The Warming of a Poet Decades have come and gone find another way to express this.. come and gone does not do justice to this since the first warming and now, to take chills off of time Intent? Is time past or time passed..and if time past.. is this not redundant ? past I visit the deck, ‘neath shade of awning,/ a chair / line break here seems awkward are you attempting short lines or leading the reader through thoughts and breaking lines to help reader know how to pace and read? comfortably accepting me, “ I visit”..then reference me? Needed? to review my shadowed thoughts I struggle here as you allude to but I find shadowed thoughts too elusive in helping me understand what it is you are reviewing alone, on break of summer’s gleam, as his words sit gently “His” being repeated..again needed? by way of his book, the spine resting in the crevice of my thighs, this I like… descriptive and suggestive he taught me of searching north, and south and when he looked north, then line break here again seems to halt me he caught the curve and carve of the red woulds and found himself at the ivory 4th repeat of” and” in 5 lines… columns of welcome so entered there, to a fountain of youth in remembrance Visions of what was then brings back that first long ago flush and my temperature rises slightly with the noon his tutelage was kind and slow good and southerly he traveled abroad but always took me with him, he traveled light sun meets my face as the awning is pushed about by the winds of time truly here the line just doesn’t do justice, reword? Too overly used? and which then, warms… he holds me east to west encompassing me surpassing boundaries navigates the equator, we talk of circumference and gulf streams actions which speak louder than any word he ever wrote my eyes, closed wide open in perhaps reword my eyes closed in open of what is to come? memories of what is to come, then should I ever warm a poet in kind |
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Errandghost Junior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 17Thoroughly Abroad |
"ladyinwlite" Methinks that a beauteous wordplay [This message has been edited by Errandghost (10-22-2003 02:14 AM).] |
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Errandghost Junior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 17Thoroughly Abroad |
Bump |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
quote:I found myself 'listening to the warm also -- hope to get back to this as well--but i won't promise---heh JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
Essorant, thank you for your offering. Yes, in a way I guess you could say this was in tribute to a poet. I would like to keep the name of this poet out of the mix for now, and make it so that we can think ANY poet might lead us to further evocation in our own writings. quote: One thing I like to do is play on words. The “red woulds” would mean the curve of the red mouth questioning as to whether or not he “would” continue. I’ve not yet decided on changing the placement of “ago”, until I review further input from other responses. In my neck of the woods, Noon is the “noon hour”, but I can see that your use of it, and Mr. Webster's, would prefer I use midday. However, the roll of it on the tongue makes it a bit awkward, and for now, prefer noon, unless I get feedback otherwise that I’m really in left field on this one. Thank you for your input, Essorant. On to Cpat. ~*~ Cpat, thank you so much for breaking from your busy day to help me out with this. I have responded to the questionable stanzas below. Let’s see what we can insert for “come and gone”. Decades have slipped along since the first warming or Decades have disappeared in ruts since the first warming and as to “past”, it could probably be dropped altogether. Then, you had trouble with the second stanza, so please review this rewrite… I visit the deck, ’neath shade of awning, a chair comfortably accepting me in review of shadowed thoughts, alone, here, on break of summer’s gleam and in this stanza, dropped one “his” as words sit gently by way of his book, and changed line break here, in addition to dropping one “he”, and an “and” or two he taught me of searching north, then south and when he looked north, then caught the curve and carve of the red woulds found himself at the ivory columns of welcome Next point to work on, rewording “winds of time”. How about sun meets my face as the awning is pushed about by prairie winds which have played with time and now, warms again… May I accept your suggestion with a slight alteration as follows for this last? my eyes, closed to open of what is to come? That I might then warm a poet in kind Thank you both so much for your help. And, for the bump of others to get me back in here and work on this. Comments, please? |
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