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A home without a wall, |
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A home without a wall, |
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| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Writing Fading |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass 
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I’m wondering if anyone would be interested in the thinking that went into the way I put a poem together. Hopefully seeing how I thought about building a special poem will be useful to other folks who do what we call unstructured poetry. I also wonder if this is the best forum to put it in – Nan suggested it, but if anybody has a better idea maybe we can activate the Transporter and move the thread to a better place. I felt like talking about this particular poem, because while writing it I actually did some things that I ought to do all the time, but don’t. So, it’s a “good” example, meaning an example that makes you look good….. If anybody else wants to talk about a “good” example of their own, I’d sure be interested. You can learn more about mechanics by watching a mechanic at work, than you can by inspecting the machine after it’s built. I have “Fading” in mind ( /pip/Forum64/HTML/001120.html ), which looks like about as random a piece of writing as you could imagine, but in fact it isn’t. I was very careful about the way it was put together, and even took my lead from one of my favorite classic poems in the process. I'd never claim to be in Shakespeare’s league, but I did have one of his in mind, and consciously put some of his methods to use. That’s a message in itself, since the two poems could hardly be more different in style or content. Classic methods became classic for a good reason – they work. In his Sonnet 73 ( http://www.netpoets.com/classic/poems/056004.htm ), Shakespeare used some very clear techniques of progression to build his poetic envelope, and metrical foregrounding within the sonnet structure to fasten the reader’s eye on critical parts of the poem. Here’s a quick refresher: Sonnet 73 That time of year thou mayst in me behold When yellow leaves, or none, or few, do hang Upon those boughs which shake against the cold, Bare ruined choirs where late the sweet birds sang. In me thou seest the twilight of such day As after sunset fadeth in the west, Which by and by black night doth take away, Death's second self, that seals up all in rest. In me thou seest the glowing of such fire That on the ashes of his youth doth lie, As the death-bed whereon it must expire, Consumed with that which it was nourished by. This thou perceiv'st, which makes thy love more strong, To love that well which thou must leave ere long. The critical thematic issues here are the progression of life, exemplified in images of light and of heat. At first we see the slow changing of seasons, the fading presence of birds and leaves, and the loss of heat as the season progresses – life near and present, but passing as light and heat slowly fade into winter. In the second quatrain things have changed, with less life shown, and the faster and more intense loss of heat and light, a day instead of a season. In the last quatrain we see nothing related to living, just a fire – very quick, very hot, very bright – burning itself down to dark dead ashes. Faster and faster, hotter and hotter, less and less life, and all tied together into a message about human emotional heat as youth fades into age. That’s the poetry at its finest, with everything contained and coordinated by a flow of image and meaning, toward a climax that becomes inevitable, and encompasses all of it. I can’t do that, but I can try. If you scan this poem you’ll find Iambic Pentameter throughout – with some big exceptions. While you can force Iambic meter anywhere in the poem, when it is read in a normal fashion some of those Iambs become Spondees: “ / / ” not “ _ / ”. Specifically, the phrases “Bare ruined,” “black night,” “Death’s second,” and “death-bed” have this bang-bang spondaic pattern and it’s no coincidence that those are exactly the phrases which pound home the poem’s central imagery. The extra emphasis and the change in sound pattern draw the reader’s attention and push those things into the foreground, while technically staying within the rigid Sonnet structure. The poetic standards of Shakespeare’s day would never have allowed the kind of liberties we sometimes take for granted, but given the less daring atmosphere his use of methods like those above to drive his verse would have added considerably to its impact on the readers of his day. Had he written something that looked like “Fading,” his contemporaries would have assumed he’d gone insane. While I could never hope to match Shakespeare’s kind of subtleness and directed power with any verse of mine, that guiding star helped me steer “Fading” in the right direction, and hopefully increased its impact. Fading there is no stunning blast, no earthquake sudden rending severation of the soul no fall so relieving as a rockslide down a canyon wall no, it is closer more eroding than the realignment when the closest dearest friend has said “acquaintance” and more threatening than than the unease as you notice after all these years a wall is very slightly out of line more subtle than the small distress, there on the warming sand while waves break with tones of the eternal symphony, that the song has never been for you yet it yearns more personal and somehow less significant than the scrape dry turning turning of an empty tumbleweed down the drywashes of time and hollow as the understanding that although the weed is wearing stick by stick the prairie has no end From the start I tried to outline specific themes and move them in an orderly way through the poem, and altered things mercilessly to make that happen. That’s not to say I set out to do it in that way. The poem was half written before it dawned on me that I ought to try, but after that I pursued it heartlessly. I kept the introductory lines (written last) impersonal and tried to make them as electrifying as possible, bringing in the personal dimension and moving toward lowered expectations, and trying to set the concept without creating a sense of definition that would last in any way. I wanted the reader to feel that lack of support. The first formative imagery is that of the faded friendship – it’s close, intensely personal and relatively brief by comparison to the scenes that follow, with hope severly damaged but perhaps not entirely gone. I pushed this section (we can hardly call it a strophe, can we?) to the front because that’s where it would fit into the pattern. It was actually written after the wave section that now comes later. An image of a home is less personal than that of a friendship, and the wall’s misalignment is a long, slow disappointment with an end in sight. Things are going to fall apart; physical surroundings can’t be trusted to last. The imagery, in turn, is more graphic and visual than the essentially imageless scene of unreturned friendship. The waves’ music? A good deal less personal than home or friendship, and the song lasts very long indeed. The poem’s moving toward some cosmic overtones, a more distant horizon in time and in meaning, while the expectations that are lowered here are those of the speaker’s relationship to the world itself. It’s all more universal than what’s gone before, while I tried for imagery that is stronger and more “present” than either of the previous sections. The final segment doesn’t register on the “personal” chart at all, and time moves toward the infinite, while the imagery becomes very direct and specific. I wanted that growing contrast between imagery and the feeling of desolation to climax here. The experience has moved beyond contact with normal reality, and is completely devoid of hope. The tumbleweed is empty, seeds gone, falling apart, and still trapped in a pointless and unsurvivable journey across an infinite landscape. Contrary to appearances, the words were not shot at the paper like spitballs – there really is a reason for that ungainly scramble. This is a limbic poem – the intended response here is visceral, not mental. It’s intended to appeal to the lowest subset of emotions, where desolation lives. Because such emotions are both basic and slow to respond, it’s necessary to keep the wording simple and brief, while preventing the eye from just surfing down through the text before an emotional response can form. Scattering the words plays into this by stopping the eye at unnatural intervals, making it move in ways that run counter to normal reading patterns. Aligning some phrases vertically, tacking them together by matching single letters from line to line, and aligning unrelated words from section to section, makes the reader keep looking back for some obvious connection or significance where there isn’t any, then move on with a feeling of failure, through text that’s talking about exactly that. I separated the sections with fast, solid lines of text that the reader can assimilate quickly and easily, creating each new scene rapidly and setting it up for the stumbling disappointment to follow. This creates a fairly startling visual effect, and starts the reader with a structural clue, foreshadowing that there’s something wrong, down deep where it really counts. The overall progression, both textually and thematically is, from personal to personless, from meaningful to meaningless, from close to distant, from bang to whimper. In other words, fading. [This message has been edited by Ratleader (03-07-2003 08:11 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Ed Ratledge - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ed....This is so knowledgeable and interesting, I hope others will read it. There is much to be gained from this in-depth analogy. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
often when I read a poem I do wonder what inspired the author to write that or what the meaning of the certain metaphors is, however for me a full explanation of a poem destroys some of the mystery.. it can help to have a little background on a piece but I think that ultimately the reader should be allowed the space to have their own interpretation of the poem. For me it is like a magician revealing how they did a trick. However when others have already dissected a poem in CA and the author feels that the readers might be misreading a crucial point then a full explanation maybe necessary. I read the poem which I enjoyed a lot, but not the explanation. “You can learn more about mechanics by watching a mechanic at work, than you can by inspecting the machine after it’s built.” I agree about this, and I feel that this is what CA can achieve when poets here can invest some time in replying to posts. This said, it may prove valuable insight having a poet dissect their poetry. At this time its is not something I would comfortable doing or reading. When I am on a pedestal, you did not raise me there Your laws do not compel me to kneel grotesque and bare. Leonard Cohen |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
True, that. Would dispise seeing every poem I read explained beforehand, but since my goal is to grow as a writer, an occasional trip beside some other writer looks like a pretty inviting thing to me. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Ed, This is a very important part of my learning to write better poetry. The ideas you have included here are so vital to me I can't say thank you enough. These might be steps most others have already learned along the way of poetry writing through various workshops, classes, poetry reading, CA forum, etc. But, this is exactly the specific kind of information I need and want! Ron T. has been extremely helpful to me, and basically said in a few words, some of which you've covered, as have some who've critiqued a poem in open forum with poets permission, and I get to read along to understand their points. But, this gives me clear cut ideas and I appreciate your effort here. I, too, hope it is read by many. I've only just skimmed it. I am printing the whole thread out. Will be highlighting and summarizing the techniques you've mentioned. I've not begun to get into rhyming schemes and might not have the talent to do so. But, like Ron, you've caused me to think about poetry writing....that is my need right now, for I do seem to be growing and need the light of what was so mysteriously dark to me...How do you write poetry? As Ron said, Great poetry, not just very good. And the want to sometimes makes me tremble with excitement, of maybe I can? In time. Since my maiden name is Herrick, perhaps I'm genetically predisposed Grinning very broadly here... Again, thank you for your time and effort in the matter. I appreciate it. Hugs, Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Golly, I'd forgotten about this..... [This message has been edited by Ratleader (10-15-2003 09:35 AM).] |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I'm glad you brought this up so I can tuck it into my library... I discovered it one day (chicken hearted suthern avoids critical analysis like the plague on a day to day basis *G*)... and was frankly awed. Fading is a poem I'd appreciate regardless... but I read it with new eyes now and have even greater appreciation. *S* Thank you for the peek into the process of creation! *S* |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Hi, Ruthie -- I'm glad somebody did. I thought I was offering something worthwhile, gave a chunk of myself in the hope that somebody would find a benefit in it, but it seemed to fall on either deaf or unwilling ears -- except for Regards, and a lotta' good it did her..... ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
I, for one, am glad that this came up for view today... very much, indeed... Thanks Ed. Regards Sudhir |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Marking this to come back over the weekend for an indepth read. I like how you played this out for us, Ed, and gave us the value not only of a self-critique, but also lessons within lessons. Thank you. |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
quote: A few of us find it much more inspiring watching a fine, well tuned machine fired up and running rhythmically—sans mechanic. And if that machine’s a true classic—even better! Now, that’s poetry! Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Aye, and if watching's your goal, more power to you. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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cynicsRus Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591So Cal So Cool! |
Aye, argh and ahoy mate. Sid @ www.cynicsRus.com |
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Robtm1965 Member
since 2002-08-20
Posts 263 |
Ratleader I like what you did here a lot. It's a pity more people don't have the time or inclination to do the same. I also agree with Brian that poetry is meant to be read without the author's prior intervention, after all it was me that entered into a rather long discussion with Ron arguing the equality, if not supremacy, of the reader's interpretation. Nonetheless in this forum there is most definitely a place for exercises like this imo. All credit to Nan for suggesting you place it here and all credit to you for writing what i thought was a very successful piece  ).Thank you. R |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I'm back... you didn't think ole wordy here was finished... right? LOL There have been many times when I've read a poem and got nothing from it... Later, the author went into great detail explaining this and that and I could see the poem differently... but I don't like that. Poems cannot... and should not have to... have the poet tagging along with them for every read to make sure they're understood. In those cases, my honest opinion is that the poet is writing for him/herself and should keep the words at home. *G* But this is completely different... I read Fading long before discovering this thread... and loved the poem on its own merits. To now be allowed a glimpse into the creative process... well, I won't say it will improve my writing... but it robs me of the excuse of not knowing. *S* I'd love to see similar posts from other poets... we all share a need to capture some of the words floating around us and arrange them into messages on a page... but vary widely in our methods. I really appreciate you sharing yours. *S* |
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