I need some social advice. Please!

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Penwing
Member

since 2009-07-27

Posts 73
Waverly, MN

0 posted 2009-07-28 05:26 PM

Ok short and sweet i have troubble making freinds with people because i have a too freindly personality i have heard that i make people uncomfortable because i can treet strangers like friends some say i come on too strong (this especialy inhibits freindship with girls)

what can i say i am openhearted freindly and i try to be as kind and gentle as i can

also by other guys i am called homosexual because of my flamboiant dress style and personality (i personaly call it artistic temperment)

And lastly i have troubble sort of related to part 2 of this because of my love of poetry. guys think its too soft for them to be doing, think its girly.
some girls like it but for most it doesnt fit the macho man there looking for (why should that inhibit a friendship im not looking for anything serious)

any help on this entire mess would be greatly appreciated

,Penwing

[This message has been edited by Penwing (07-30-2009 11:03 PM).]

Penwing
Member

since 2009-07-27

Posts 73
Waverly, MN

1 posted 2009-07-28 11:48 PM

P.S I am not homophobic its just thats just not the immage i want

crosscountry83
Member

since 2009-07-30

Posts 345

2 posted 2009-08-04 12:03 PM

I wouldn't really know the situation your in... I guess maybe. I have short hair and I wear guy clothes sometimes just cause there more comfortable. People call me "sir" or "young man" sometimes grrr. Anyway, true friends will like you for who you are, I don't think you should feel like you have to change. I know it's hard not to think that way (at least for me.) Just keep strong and keep being who you are.

Rileigh

PS This poem doesn't relate too much, but it might a little...
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icebox
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 4383
in the shadows

3 posted 2009-08-08 08:49 PM

I do not have any advice for you.

For many, not to write is too terrible a choice to contemplate.
/main/forumdisplay.cgi?action=displayarchive&number=82&topic=000444

I wish you well on your journey.

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

4 posted 2009-08-13 11:08 AM

Be who you are, Penwing. That is my advice to you. It is so much better to struggle to find friends, but find good ones that truly suit you, because you were real and honest with them when you met. I have friends in my life I've had since elementary, middle, and high school and I thank God for them every day. They truly accept me. And you will find people that do as well--there are beautiful, accepting people out there...maybe you just need a little more time to find them.

I can tell just by messaging with you on here that you are truly unique and special, and other people will see that too!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2009-08-13 06:53 PM

Sometimes it takes patience for an "artist" to be befriended...we are usually seen as a bit different by others.

However, I would follow Alwyes' advice, as well as reading icebox's link.

Be patient. The largest looming black hole for teens is patience...but I believe you hold it, in spades.

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

6 posted 2009-08-14 04:12 PM

Dear Penwing,

          Near as I can tell, all the things you mention, the wish to be social and friendly, the flamboyance, the writing, the coming on too strong, all seem pretty much part of you.  I've noticed that folks don't do so well when they try to leave parts of themselves behind.  Everything's pretty much there for a reason.  As for homophobia, I don't see how that's really an issue right now, except for the guys that are uncomfortable with it and are looking for somebody to hang their discomfort on.  The girls are trying to figure out who they are as girls, and macho guys are pretty much and easy way to recognize somebody male that they're supposed to be attracted to.  Sometimes it takes a while to learn to get the finer points down for everybody.

     If you want advice, it's easier to add things than it is to take things away.  Why not think about macho type things that might hold some sort of appeal for you specifically, and try some of them out to see if there's something in them that feels like it's part of you.

     When I was younger, I got fascinated by zen and then discovered aikido, which enabled me to ease into some sort of athleticism.  Aikido is something like a non-violent martial art, depending on where and with whom you study it, and it's incredibly beautiful to watch.  It takes a very long time to get good at it, and the emphasis was on cooperation rather than competition, at least in the dojo where I studied.

     Wing chun is a stripped down style of Kung Fu.  The name means "Beautiful Springtime."  It was named after the Buddhist nun who invented it.  The basics can be learned fairly quickly, over perhaps two years of regular practice, and you learn reflexes that will block most attacks automatically and which increase your sensitivity to how other people move and think to a very high level.
There is a degree of safety that settles in with your bones as you get better.

     It is always better to avoid or walk away from a conflict, by the way, but the sense of knowing your body and how to move it makes you come across differently to others.  You don't have to feel nervous about how you dress, and your sense of physical competence comes across in the way you move, so you feel less challenged by the macho issues of adolescence.

     There are other similar arts that have the same sort of effect.  Their purpose is actually to transform the student and not to make him or her into a fighting fool.  There are very few fighting fools necessary in today's world.  There are a lot of folks who need to feel settled and at home in their bodies and with themselves.

     Ba Gua Chang is another chinese internal art, intensely meditative and, depending how you study it and with whom, a solid martial art as well.

     I suggest these things because they are all meditative, physical, growth oriented arts.  Both men and women train in all of them, so they can be a source of friendship as well, and non of them as that you give up something that you are, but that you simply learn this new art and skill and allow it to give you what it can in return for you offering good service and practice.  Not a bad deal for any of them, and all of them teach you slowly how to deal with conflict in a manageable way, so you can master it a bit at a time.

All my best, Bob Kaven

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

7 posted 2009-08-21 08:19 PM

Don't be ashamed of who you are.

(I know I'll sound hypocritical but its true)

-Zach

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