Double Mourning (in dual voice)

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Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

0 posted 2004-08-15 12:23 PM

              Double Mourning       (in dual voice)

Too close, these deaths          Comes death always too close,
    that say Jim, aged                  always always
          “so old,”                   too soon
    say Shirley, aged                  even when it waits
          “so young.”                a lifetime?

Oh there were reasons             Every cause rings callous,
    that the papers gave,       callow, but there is
        both correct,                         a reason, please say
    neither right;                         there is reason beyond
the “long illness”                  too many cups of coffee
     of a pancreas                       with too many old friends,
time’s counterpoint to              or a raving party
    the “tragic accident”          where even Ecstasy
        of a cliff.                            couldn’t help her fly.
Now there is                          At least the old
        empty,                                know how to mourn;
    friends eye hollow.            tears clash in young eyes.

I remember him so well,        What qualifies
    my father’s friend;                  as life-long?
        her not at all                Will time always
though my son does,                  trump intensity?
    and now I, father,                    I, caught between,
        son, mourn alike.           must ache for both.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2004-08-15 12:26 PM

very, very sad

you've caught reality right smack in the middle of life, with death's grip

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2004-08-15 12:26 PM

When you write these dual voices, I always find myself leaning in to hear them. Wouldn't it be wonderful, no matter the topic, to hear to voices reading these, in sync...

Well done, Sir.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

3 posted 2004-08-15 12:30 PM

Ed

"Comes death always too close,
    always always
                    too soon
         even when it waits
                  a lifetime?"

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

4 posted 2004-08-15 12:38 PM

Wow. This works so well. Excellent.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

muted

Member Elite

since 2004-01-15

Posts 2949
Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving

5 posted 2004-08-15 12:45 PM

i ditto what Sunshine said

this is
.....there

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

6 posted 2004-08-16 01:36 AM

I rode my bike up to the cemetary yesterday and spent some time dusting off the older, unkept tombs... and I was thinking of this, too. Thinking that death is always too soon. Even with the fullest and happiest, and longest of lives, death is too soon for us. The ones of us left here to mourn, that is. There's always an extra edge of pain when a child dies... but really, it's when a child mourns death, that devistation runs the deepest...
Yeah, I was thinking about it, too.
Thank you for this write.

Always, Alyssa

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
Joyce kilmer

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2004-08-16 01:42 AM

I love how you do these

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

8 posted 2004-08-16 02:19 AM

Very, very sad, RatL. So much truth.

....jo

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

9 posted 2004-08-16 04:15 PM

I've read this several times... but when I tried to pick my favorite lines, I couldn't... not without repeating the entire incredible poem(s)!

When you speak twice, I listen to every whisper... this touched deeply. Superb work!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

10 posted 2004-08-18 10:08 PM

keeping this'n too.

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

11 posted 2004-08-18 11:57 PM

Yanno dude? It's hard enough to wrote ONE daggone poem!

(Mmm Hmm, makin' us all look bad, you are)

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