The ache of falling apart - pipTalk Forums

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bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

0 posted 2002-04-24 02:20 PM

We float down together on silent water.
Get collected by the weeds.
The reedy banks without their music
and us without our needs.

The sun seems swollen on the horizon,
the moon just another stone up and cold.
The reedy banks' patina of shadows
tarnished green and gold.

I hold my hand out to release;
you hold back yours to do the same.
The reedy banks press in their heads
and we undo the flame.

Watch its glare spin out and bobbing,
sinking to its drowning color.
The reedy banks hold onto their whispers.
We do not hold onto each other.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2002-04-24 02:23 PM

Oh man it hurts to much to let go!
Excellent write Mike.
Hope all is well with you.
~Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2002-04-24 02:50 PM

Man.... Mike, the ache of this is intense to read,

"The reedy banks hold onto their whispers.
We do not hold onto each other."

that is sooooo sad....*hugs* for you

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

3 posted 2002-04-24 03:17 PM

The sun seems swollen on the horizon,
the moon just another stone up and cold.
The reedy banks' patina of shadows
tarnished green and gold.

I hold my hand out to release;
you hold back yours to do the same.
The reedy banks press in their heads
and we undo the flame.
==================================

you write the emotions with a depth that the reader feels...and then you wrap them in cadence that sings us the blues and images that take us there.

the moon just another stone up and cold.

that line is cooler than I have words for,
another impressive write from you way-cool poetman

Now for me some words come easy
But I know that they don't mean that much
Compared with the things that are said when lovers touch

Jackson Browne

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

4 posted 2002-04-24 07:15 PM

"I hold my hand out to release;
you hold back yours to do the same.
The reedy banks press in their heads
and we undo the flame"

Heavy with sad, but so well done!

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

5 posted 2002-04-25 12:43 PM

Thanks. This is one of those poems of mine that gets inspired by hearing the Cure in my head. Try it!

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