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A home without a wall, |
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A home without a wall, |
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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Backstabbed By Life |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
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Note: Yea I really dislike this one, but I do think I should post it seeing as how the message meant a lot to me at the time and in some sense still does. Backstabbed by Life: Reaching out to nothigness. Lost within a torn mind. I can't go my own way. I'm too attached to hate. Rain drops from heaven Hit my head like rock. I bleed like no other. I cry with no pain. Muscle spasms beacon. A sprint of utter desire. Tripping just before the finish. The losses of losses indeed. Killing the spirit within. I've lost all that was me. A carcass lays dried up in the sun. The sun that gave me life.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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| © Copyright 2001 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
I really liked it. I found it very to the point. It was an intersting read. im puting in my libary. Regina |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
Very interesting... I was always told that a good poem was one that wasn't just out there to read, but a piece of work that had twists and turns to a point where it made you think of what it really meant. Yuppers, this is one that made me think. "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
AWESOME title. Incredible.. i like when you write like this, its so much easier to understand and at the same time it doesnt lose its abstract qualities...brilliant.. one of my favs of yours dude... specially liked: "Tripping just before the finish. " nice nice... library bound! JR When life dims to a perish, my life will become a quote in itself... |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"A sprint of utter desire. Tripping just before the finish." Excellent imagery Javier! The tortured emotions came through very vividly in this piece. The lines above really presented a great mental picture ... great expressive writing!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
like this much, DD, ya know I love you/. uh oh, gotta go. I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
that wasn't all I had to say about your poem, DD, I just had to go b/c I was on a school computer in my classroom and class had just ended, and everyone was leaving, so ya understand, but anyways, why don't you like this? Just wondering. I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't. |
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Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
interesting poem. it seems to be very true. keep up the great work. chel "True friends stab you in the front" "Never say 'I Love You' unless you mean it" |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Dopey, I like this one because it made me think, nice job on it. Please visit my webpage: http://lakewalker.homestead.com/index.html |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
You say you do not like this one... I think that it's excellent... made me think and that inspired me...keep up the good work... Marshal zu |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
i really don't understand why you don't like this Dopes You have such description and imagery in your poems thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
Dope you're poems are always so beautiful. there's no need to not like this one. excellent *dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
... this poem really got to me so I am not going to say much....... to hard to even breath. Good job and I only wish you will be if not already are feeling better and everything has or will be alright. The law of harvest is to reap more than you sow.Sow a habit and you reap a character.Sow a character and you reap a destiny [This message has been edited by Angel in Flight (edited 03-01-2001).] |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Dopey: I really enjoyed the contrast at the end of this poem. The sun that gives you life, drying up the carcass. That was well written. This is quite a good description of being backstabbed. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" -- Magus |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Dopey, I really liked this one. I thought it was great. I don't understand why you wouldn't like this poem.????It says so much Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Seems as if you've seen something in this poem I didn't. Personally I do not like it. I think it's poorly written...... Anyway, I do like the message. I think it's important to read if you'd like to get to know me at all. I mean, this basically portrays how it is to LIVE for life.....to do everything good for the benefit of others...Always being there, always helping, and caring about nature to the point where I cannot harm an ant.....and WHAM....backstabbed by my very own existance.... So yea..... thanks all.....means a lot. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Ski*Chick Member
since 2001-01-13
Posts 141Fitchburg, Mass, Usa |
Good job dopy dope. I like it, you always have me to talk too. Bye  Minna:rainbow |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Hey, this is great. I actually get it *feels proud* maybe, just maybe, I'm getting smarter  Keep smiling aye?Bel "And you're my obsession I love you to the bones And Ana wrecks your life Like an anorexia life" - "Ana's Song", Silverchair |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
What's this? I didn't reply? Sheesh now I feel bad...not replying to my own brother's poem...Anyways, I didn't think it was too poorly written. The message definitely stood out. I just love everything you write. You know that. ~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." - Leonardo da Vinci |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
You're all so sweet.... and carly, shame on you!!! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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TearsOfPearls Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322Vereeniging, South-Africa |
Dopey, I think this is an excellent poem, well written, bursting with emotion. Very powerful... ...one more thing, thanx 4 always replying 2 my poems, I appreciate it Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice! |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Terrific thoughts Dopey. You clearly deminstrated your message. I don't think it was as bad as you make it out to be but you HAVE done better... actually only one verse read oddly yo me and th was: """ Rain drops from heaven Hit my head like rock. I bleed like no other. I cry with no pain """ But that verse says so much. So overall you get an A-... hehe Nice one, Jason |
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branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Do u ever stop getting more then 10 replies? jk hey this is a great poem and i really like it. Hey watch out theres a snowball coming from behing lol inside joke for all you newbies. |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Wow, Backstabbed by life that poem so totally reflects who I am..honestly I simply loved it!! But I'm being backstabbed by the one person that gave me life anywho, keep up the good work as always, not one bad poem so far dang..hehehe your ever so popular maybe one day I'll get the following that you have well so I'm told I will I'm glad I read it..Love, Kristen "Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night" ~Crash and Burn~ |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hmm... this is definitely not your best post. But still, it had a good meaning behind it. Sorry it took me awhile to get to it, man. Keep sharing. ~Allan Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Thanks everybody! Once again, it means a lot to me. And allan, I know. I posted it due to the message. I wanted some of you to know how I've felt about a certain situation. How painful things can get here in my life. You see, I post my work so you all get to know WHO I am. I felt it was quite an imperative poem due to the message alone. The style, format, and wording is not my best like you said. No worries though......I'll keep sharing!! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Everytime I turn around, this poem is back up...seems like everyone love it Dopes I don't blame em...you are a good writer "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Aw shucks!!! Thanks Acire haha. Yea well everytime I get back this poem is still on the first page. I'm waiting for it to trail off so I can post another. Acire, I think you're trying to spoil me on purpose.....but I appreciate it. See you round pal! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
How'd you know my plan  "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
It's funny because the poem was on page 2 and I was about to post a new poem, but then you replied and put it on page one! Hahaha now I can rest assure that I probably won't be posting a new one for another day. I think you did that on purpose too!! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Well, what are you going to do now????........You posted your new one but now this is being bump to the top "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" "Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it." BothUnknown |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
You aren't helping, Lakewalker. Although, I suppose neither am I... Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Oke you already got a bunch of people replying and I'm the late one, but I figured I'd throw in my 2 cents. (Even though I'll most likely say something somebody else already has.) Anyway, I really like it. Mostly because it relates well to myself and I always like that in a poem. It forms a bond. It is also written very well, though you think it's poorly written. We're always very critical of ourselves. But hey, that pushes us to growth and that my friend is beautiful. and in the end we still pretend the time we spend not knowing when we're finally free and you could be -NIN "The Wretched" Angel of Darkness [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 03-06-2001).] |
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Tears of Glass Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure |
WOW! How could I have missed this the first time around?? Very emotion-filled and thought provoking! Awesome job... *Jennifer "My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see." |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Now why couldn't something like this happen to one of MY poems?  Well it seems everyone liked this poem more than you and I, Javier. But like I said, the message was not lost on me.  Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
That's good to know allan!! As long as the message got through, then I am set. I am glad that some people relate to it...it might help them out a bit. You know, like, make them feel like their not alone. Anyhow....yea I posted my new one.....so we can let this one fade away. It seems that all the poems I sort of like get 7-10 replies and the ones I absoluetly hate get 20+ replies. What's up with that??!?!?! Anyway! Thank you all.....means a lot! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
i didn't do it on purpose Dopes now why would I do something like that  "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Crash&Burn Member
since 2001-01-18
Posts 119 |
Life is full of surprises and not all are full of joy. Good poem, to the point and it has a message that will indeed be faced by all of us at some point. I see the darkness coming all is bleak… |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
No idea acire haha....no idea. oh and jorge, thanks......glad you saw what I was trying to say. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
My finger slipped. we need ~ONE MORE~ for forty... let's keep at 'er. Stupidity makes the world go around...and people like us laugh. ~~Elizabeth, to Allan [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 03-07-2001).] |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Look LOOK I'm number 40!! Woohoo!!! Now what was the purpose of that..?  Bel |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
No clue man hahahaha......no clue!!! you people are starting to scare me! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
*bump*page one i thought this was amazing.. one of them poems that gives the reader think about some things as i totally realted to this one... i liked it..  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Wow. You're nuts... this was really good. I liked it a lot!! Jenn "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
erm......geesh....this again? haha |
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