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Critical Analysis #1
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The Shark Bar
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Shark Bar |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
in the Shark Bar they have go-go girls dancing in cages for atmosphere i went to college and law school but the joke’s on me silly girl the music’s better here and i could have saved a lot of money on clothes [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 01-15-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 jenni - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kevin Taylor Member
since 1999-12-23
Posts 185near Vancouver, BC, Canada |
I'm sold! Nice curve... er... twist at the end. Kevin "I looks fer them twinklin' musical words that rhymes like the first time they's ever bin heard." |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Hey Jenni: Is this the one you didn't think I'd like? So, basically, you, for some reason went to this strip club called The Shark Bar, noticed the dancers in cages making tons of money, and thought, "I could have done this instead of going to college and law school and saved alot of money on clothes." It's not that I didn't like it, necessarily. I simply thought it was rather ordinary compared to some of the other pieces I have seen you post in here. I am still hunting for some kind of hidden message somewhere in the body (no pun intended) of the poem. I guess the problem I have with the poem is I feel as though I have heard or read nearly the same thing before. Just an opinion. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
kevin-- thanks! nice pun, by the way.  jim-- no, this isn't the one, but i'll add it to the list, lol. the shark bar, f.y.i., is not a "strip club", but a regular bar in northern virginia that normal people go to (it's actually a fun place, lol). you really think this piece is about money? get back out there and do some more hunting, james, lol. [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 01-15-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Jenni Ok I got the message loud and clear ... there's just one flaw in this piece it lacks credibility  . There is no way I can see YOU dancing to anyone's tune be it in a law firm or a go-go bar ... the mind boggles* .. lol.Still, I guess you're right, at the end of the day we all have a "master or mistress" ... the trick, I reckon, is, to make sure that you're answerable only to your own idea of the spiritual as opposed to the human version. Philip PS If its any consolation, dancing and heat loss would certainly produce a greater appetite, so what you saved on clothes you'd lose on food ... ~smile~ *Do you have that expression in the US? |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
LOL...what can I say, I found this both entertaining and well written. Almost an E. E. Cummings feel to it. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Jenni: Okay, so sometimes I am as dense as a lump of lead. Sue me. I can finally see that you are saying you are "dancing" in the metaphoric "cage" of a law firm. I admit, that is clever. Once I "got" it I enjoyed it a little more. But Philip raises a good point about the credibility of the piece, only I think you have much more fun preparing ED affidavits than you would have dancing in a cage. Later. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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haze Senior Member
since 1999-11-03
Posts 528Bethlehem, PA USA |
Excellent! The last line packs a punch, gracefully and with well honed dignity! Extreme Kudos! |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
Perfect as is. Elegantly phrased and patterned, and fun, fun, fun with a bite. Don't change a thing (IMHO, is that the right rubric?) |
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patchoulipumpkin Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 196Bermuda |
Great. This is hilarious. |
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