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Spot
Junior Member

since 2006-03-04

Posts 45
CA, US

0 posted 2006-09-25 08:21 PM

Better

I tried to be her for you today
I felt wasted when
these new eyes I painted on
never met yours,
but maybe this is better-
black lines
turquoise shadows
my skin can’t compete.

I tried to cry for you today
I felt numb when
my sobs were never
quite hard enough,
but maybe this is better-
muscles clench
fingers curl
I don’t know why I thought it would matter.

Sadness only falls from my
Searching, faltering eyes
that will never shine like hers
under darkness and art
(she’s a natural beauty exploited by loss)
I pale in comparison.
Tears are clear
Transparent as my excuses and insecurities
(anything darker would stain my skin)
crimson grief is hers alone
(she’s a natural lover enhanced by tragedy)
and I realize now I had nothing to offer.

I let myself feel wronged
for a minute
for you
but my doubt and my restraint
(maybe she would call it
waste and numbness)
keep making me feel selfish
keep making me think
that maybe this is better-
her hand
always adds
a deeper splash of color.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

1 posted 2006-09-25 08:28 PM

Sadness only falls from my
Searching, faltering eyes
that will never shine like hers
under darkness and art
(she’s a natural beauty exploited by loss)
I pale in comparison.
Tears are clear
Transparent as my excuses and insecurities
(anything darker would stain my skin)
crimson grief is hers alone
(she’s a natural lover enhanced by tragedy)
and I realize now I had nothing to offer.

Feeling your words here tonight....have felt this/been there also....you express it extremely well...

Nicely done.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2006-09-25 10:55 PM

been there

glad I'm not there anymore

sending you a

because I know what it's like

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

3 posted 2006-09-25 10:57 PM

Effective use of repitition in this poem!

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

4 posted 2006-09-26 12:01 PM

wow

spectacular and very sad...

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2006-09-29 08:43 AM

Comparing one's self
to another
is often done
when we don't see to capture
that particular I

But when we see ourselves
with an eye toward
that inner light...

which usually, for most,
comes at an awkwardly late stage...

then we see truth...

and find our own
beauty.

Well done, Spot.

Thank you for letting me linger
over this one.

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