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Open Poetry #39
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A Question from the Canyon of San Gabriel
| Open Poetry #39 |
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A Question from the Canyon of San Gabriel |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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A Question from the Canyon of San Gabriel Beguiling desert with fickle fan still summered flirting with the sand My hair goes your way lifting yet holding like stones within the river Should I catch her there small ash among the many flirting with the sky will I know quiet of the damp as evening stills upon the lasting ------- with thoughts of Michelle [This message has been edited by Martie (09-19-2006 07:51 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2006 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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MukkaKukka Member
since 2006-09-18
Posts 88Finland |
This gives me a weird feeling, because I know its good, but cant get ahold of it any better than that, and that is exactly why I shouldn`t have posted this comment. Its more like that its good in the way that it shifts or eludes but now this has started to get into a diffi cult domain... Do rocks have to ask? |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Yes, Martie...this lets Michelle fly free... and it is better.  |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Funny, fall comes and I turn to the ground and sky for answers to Martie and think, maybe that is the way it should be.  Waste not a second ~ Carpe' Diem |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Perhaps a little backstory on this for those who don't know me...sorry, Mukkaukka. Michelle was my daughter who passed on when she was eight...her ashes were dropped on the San Gabriel Mountains just behind my home in California. Thus, the ash and the feeling from the canyon. Thanks for replying.  |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
MartieSis~ From a 'question' from the canyon to an answer from the heart of a mother ... doesn't get more moving than that~ Not ever~ She blows about in soft poetic thought to stir the ink of your Martiesque quill~ Lovely my sweet lady~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
....jo |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Sending you heart hugs Martie.  ~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~ |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
no words Martie....just many, many heart hugs....  |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
you write so beautifully simply when your heart is whispering "Michelle" hugs sweet lady... |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Hugs, people offer here...genuine all, I think.....and you know how seldom I let that word float into my own comments, because so often the word means something very less. Hugs, from me this time....for this, and so much else that is uniquely you. It is good. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> ______________Ratleader______________ |
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Honeybunch Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115South Africa |
Feeling this write with compassion and understanding, Martie. |
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Brian James Member
since 2005-06-26
Posts 147Winnipeg |
Martie, There's a word for this kind of poem, right? I can't remember what it is for the life of me! I'm certainly not used to reading poetry in this kind of format, but I've tried writing it before and I don't think I've ever been able to do with it quite what you have. I've always found the obligatory pause between lines took away from the momentum of my writing, but in yours, it seems to add to the charm of each individual line, to give things like "within the river" and "will I know quiet" stand-alone significance. In that sense it reminds me (a little) of something W.C. Williams used to do in his writing, but it's clearly a lot better because of the sentimentality that makes your writing stand out especially. The imagery is really wonderful in this poem, the way that poems in these Eastern formats tend to be. Of course, I always love the doubleness of your imagery, the way you incorporate yourself into a nature scene. I know you're somewhere, but in this poem you're in a desert, "within a river," and up in the sky. It doesn't seem to matter all that much, since there's "the lasting," but I still found this poem a little confusing for that reason (though, let me add, I don't necessarily dislike being confused by poetry). All the same, this is some really good poetry, which I guess I've come to expect. Thanks for sharing it with us. Brian "To me, the thing that art does for life is to clean it, to strip it to form." ~Robert Frost |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Martie...Heart touching words. I know your heart will be wrapped in the memory of Michelle till time stands...Paul I have questions if you don't mind an e mail from me later today. ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
Martie, you are my hero, speaking out in music, the absurdities of life....the wantons of us, children with a mission song...testifying for and to others... yes, my dear, your peace, Michelle's peace, gathered on the horizon...embracing timelessness... Love you Lady Poetess.... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Brian...when the wind blows through the canyon, it comes from the desert, and in the canyon's winding is a river...The Sand Gabriel River. Hugs to you friend and everyone who replied to this. Yes, I was going for the 5/7/5 format...but I needed to use more words, so I kept doing it. Not sure if it has a name.  |
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Goodknight Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386Ohio, USA |
Martie - Michelle's life touches us through your wonderful loving words - thanks - this is wonderful - Paul |
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