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Open Poetry #39
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The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest

0 posted 2006-09-13 12:13 PM


the something of him
she does not know
cannot touch
wanders
teche
way the bayou bends
south

Panama ridin’ high  
feet shined  
slidin’ smooth      
brown tip calypso in lapel  
patchouli  
dominican leaf cigar smellin’ man    
sits in front of cantina
warm in the sun  
  
women in brown skin  
sniff air      
un transport      
unable to sit still    
toss skirts  
prattle  
smile fast red lips    
black eyes    
gaze over shoulders      
charcoal man crosses legs
amused  
sips cognac    
raises glass to women    
   nice nice  
  
make play
pool table dancin’
lap sittin’
eatin’ chevrette
from strange woman fingers

day grows old  
sun turns away  
charcoal man stands
rogue
cabris
takes woman hand  
reaches
touches
feels shadow hair memory
calls lady’s name
at last
  
  ah
  mon jeannette  

brown woman disappears
charcoal man stands alone
cold

© Copyright 2006 Kate - All Rights Reserved
aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
1 posted 2006-09-13 12:54 PM


They have me so wrapped up ... so filled with their story and their inner parts.  And, sometimes, I see pieces of my life -- as they share so much of their lives.

aziza

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
2 posted 2006-09-13 12:57 PM




thank you aziza
they have my life too...

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

3 posted 2006-09-13 04:59 AM


You evoke the scene, set it up like a director, then let us see true colourful genius and local everyday life played out through dialect superb...we are there... smellin the patchouli..breathin the cigar smoke...and feelin the ambiance dripping from the walls..thank you lady for such brilliance..

Goldenrose

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

4 posted 2006-09-13 07:55 AM


ahhhhhhhh, no matter where he is, lady lives in his heart. Kate this one is by far, my favorite. GR said it best, this is brilliant.  Oh, I would so definately pay to see this saga at the theater!!  
seraphin
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004
Michigan
5 posted 2006-09-13 07:57 AM


Your skill at character evolution is masterly. It is only dwarfed by your ability to draw the reader fully into the world of your creation. You have us living, breathing, feeling this couple.

He's going back, isn't he?

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
6 posted 2006-09-13 08:32 AM



It has become a lovely dance of lives, staged just so.

Continue to haunt the air with more streams of mossy sounds, please.

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
7 posted 2006-09-13 09:35 AM


ladyone, can see this painting, in the dim lit joyhouse..back wall over the dark long hound bar...curls of a habana playing tag with some sneak up sun from a distant window

enjoyed it

cbautista
Junior Member
since 2006-09-13
Posts 38

8 posted 2006-09-13 10:58 AM


I feel like I am listening to a tamborine, or the beating of an excited heart.  I thought it captured the moment, nice work.  Are you planning to change anything from it now, or do you find yourself completely satisfied with this?
Spike Daft
Junior Member
since 2006-09-12
Posts 23
CA, USA
9 posted 2006-09-13 02:07 PM


You really have talent with imagery and a wonderful, unique style. I really enjoyed this... Keep up the fantastic work!

Grey Matter Custom Images
http://spikedaft.deviantart.com

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
10 posted 2006-09-13 10:15 PM


thank you  Goldenrose
for your kind reply…

yes Gentle Spirit
the lady is his heart…
hope he knows that now
thank you so much

thank you so much Sandra
yes
he’s going back
but to what?

thank you Karilea
more mossy sounds
coming…

thank you Stranger
love that habana…
smells so good

cbautista, thank you so much
I don’t plan to change it now…

thank you Spike Daft
for your kind reply…

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
11 posted 2006-09-14 12:40 PM


Ok, Kate, you definitely have me hooked on these!  *hugs*....jo
The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
12 posted 2006-09-14 12:44 PM




thank you jo...
hugs to you

Magicmystery
Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821
Windsor, Ontario, Canada
13 posted 2006-09-14 11:28 PM


I wished I had read these in order.  I can smell his cigar this is so real for me. You've answered the question in the back of my mind here for 2 of your poems.... Why!?

Great story!  Glad I didn't miss this one.

Sherry

     

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
14 posted 2006-09-14 11:32 PM




thank you Sherry
glad you enjoyed...
Kate

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
15 posted 2011-03-27 01:28 AM


He spoke her name - and said so much more than her name.

A

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