navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #39 » DID I ?
Open Poetry #39
Post A Reply Post New Topic DID I ? Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
trutodaraiders
Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820
CA

0 posted 2006-12-04 12:30 PM



Did I speak those words that long would thrill,
Or treat you as you should have been?
Could I have loved you more or maybe still,
Spoke of your beauty others had seen?

Did I show my love in simple ways,
Or tell you that my life was sweet?
Did I tell you I loved the days,
When in unison. our hearts would beat?

Did I share the magic of our dance,
When enveloped by your charms?
Or the sweeping, lilting, soft romance,
When I held you in my arms?

Did I tell you of your caring grace,
Or of the starlight in your eyes,
Of the moonlight soft upon your face,
Or the comfort in your sighs?

You were always loved but never told,
You were a perfect being to me,
And I regret you lived. alone and cold,
Without the knowledge of what love should be.

Now, alas, my dreams are lost to sight
And all those tender dances - gone,
There'll be no stars nor moonlight bright,
Just the final setting of the sun.
    

Poetry is just the evidence of life.
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. "
Leon Cohen~



© Copyright 2006 Bill Franklin - All Rights Reserved
Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
1 posted 2006-12-04 12:35 PM


You were always loved but never told,
You were a perfect being to me,
And I regret you lived. alone and cold,
Without the knowledge of what love should be.

oh my!! we all have the right to be loved...
and I loved this write of yours Bill

Be well
Roniece

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
2 posted 2006-12-04 12:55 PM


Bill~
A lovely write ... welcome to the pages blue~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -           noles1@totcon.com     

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
3 posted 2006-12-04 06:40 PM


NIce writing...its never too late to let love, acceptance, forgiveness and caring live within your heart...James
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
4 posted 2006-12-04 07:43 PM


..."And I regret you lived. alone and cold,
Without the knowledge of what love should be.
"...

This line is the pinnacle.  Your poem is beautiful.

I would remove the "And"...a stronger statement, and remove the period after lived.


"I regret you lived alone and cold,
Without the knowledge of what love should be"

Lovely flow to your words here.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

5 posted 2006-12-04 07:56 PM


This is so very touching and beautiful.  Nicely done.
trutodaraiders
Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820
CA
6 posted 2006-12-04 08:03 PM


Thank you diamond for the compliment and the insight to make this poem betterl much appreciated

Poetry is just the evidence of life.
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. "
Leon Cohen~



trutodaraiders
Senior Member
since 2006-12-02
Posts 820
CA
7 posted 2006-12-04 08:06 PM


Thank you gentle spirit; I wish someone would critique heart will tell no lies poem. Anyone?

Poetry is just the evidence of life.
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. "
Leon Cohen~



Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #39 » DID I ?

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary