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Open Poetry #39

cha cha and cohiba town

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

0 posted 2006-12-03 07:48 AM

it was a hollow hemigway saturday
on the santa barbara side of havana
old tanerio was my brother afternoon
watching leaves turn cha chas at windows
to the music of the santa anas

your words were high pitch ended
like pointed sticks in pretend sand
there were too many eyes for me to see
and even more me's in box phrase plastic
like the volvo truck fleet next door

I was making pale halos for my sins
you watched my mouth shape
and put your fingers in the smoke
I said you shouldn't as I didn't know
where they might have been before

so you showed me the middle one
and I said correction now I did
and you wiggled your head valley
and said whatever and something more
so I asked if your mom was in town

and would she enjoy a quiet cigar

_______________

daark

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

1 posted 2006-12-03 09:28 AM

Dark master, your use of imagery in this is exceptional and the layering magnificant...

I could feel those Santa Ana winds blowing..

and that image of you with halos?

Enjoyed babe.

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

2 posted 2006-12-03 09:32 AM

ms gs, thanks dona

Angel4aKing
Senior Member

since 2006-09-27

Posts 1372
USA

3 posted 2006-12-03 01:50 PM

I really enjoyed reading this one and did her mother accept? the cigar that is?

kingsangel

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

4 posted 2006-12-03 03:59 PM

I can feel those Santa Ana breezes from here! wonderful write

Be well
Roniece

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

5 posted 2006-12-04 12:18 PM

Stranger darlin’
blow me a santa ana
some smoke
let me see those halos
I will show you all my fingers
they are in my mittens...

nice one

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

6 posted 2006-12-04 07:17 AM

ms jul, thanks for the read..don't know her mom..but she did leave.

________________

ms b, thanks for the wave and the smile

_________________

ladyone, thanks for not letting the smoke bother you and the mittens

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