Standing Where Our Bed Was

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Open Poetry #39

Standing Where Our Bed Was

DreamerSpirit
Member

since 2006-10-02

Posts 240
Buenos Aires, Argentina

0 posted 2006-10-11 12:35 PM

Thanks to all those who have been reading all my poems, and have given me the advice to improve my writing.

here we go.

Standing Where Our Bed Was

I'm Here
in our place
standing where our bed was

you are gone
and i haven't heard of you ever since

i feel a lot of pain
and sadness
i feel like i'm breaking over
i'm just here
and remembering
our love, our time

i walk around
and just see
those memories
those bits and pieces of memories
like a dream
that starts to forget as soon as you wake up

i'm here
asking why
asking how
i'm just here
standing where our bed was

time has passed
but the memories remain
now all the place is empty
but i still see it all
like it still there

after sometime
i finally remembered
that i wasn't just
standing where our bed was
but also
i was standing
on the very grave of both our love and passion
that died that night

JLHunter
Senior Member

since 2006-10-08

Posts 557
CA United States

1 posted 2006-10-11 04:51 AM

Hi, DreamerSpirit.

Since you didn't ask for ANYMORE advice, I'll keep quiet!

However, it is quite a lovely poem, though sad and poignant.

I do like it very much, and it is very--at least in style--"e.e. cummings-ish."

John

Pinky: Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?
Brain: The same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!

DreamerSpirit
Member

since 2006-10-02

Posts 240
Buenos Aires, Argentina

2 posted 2006-10-11 05:22 PM

but of course i accept advice, john..but i have to change the introduction lines a little..i get bored of writing always the same.
any advice you may have, bring it on..

Denis

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