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Open Poetry #38

In This Slumber

tatalinia
Member

since 2005-12-17

Posts 137
CA, US

0 posted 2006-07-17 03:06 PM

My heart is burning
So much pain I hold silently inside

Tears won't come anymore so use to this tide
Stomach craving no more food
I stand losing by the minute

Nothing I can do still I love you
I sleep beside the man I adore

But nothing I do can save what we had
Nothing I give would change your heart
Laying next to someone I can't touch

Your breathing in an out I watch you sleep
While I lay on my side an silently weep

So much we have been through from your mistakes
Now I suffer for the bed we have made
Blaming myself when I should of accused you

Til I see you again tonight I lay here in question
Of what do I do now that you are gone

I do not need shine or wealth, just a pen and some paper for my health

Potatobunny
Junior Member

since 2006-07-17

Posts 14

1 posted 2006-07-17 08:05 PM

i thought this poem really had a lot of meaning and i liked how you made it rhyme without forcing the rhymes into the poem and ruining it. -potatobunny

tatalinia
Member

since 2005-12-17

Posts 137
CA, US

2 posted 2006-07-18 02:17 AM

thank you

I do not need shine or wealth, just a pen and some paper for my health

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

3 posted 2006-07-19 02:38 AM

I, too, like the way you used rhyme. It is so poignant too. Thank you.

aziza

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2006-07-19 03:39 AM

wow

this sure hit home

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