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Open Poetry #38
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Greece
| Open Poetry #38 |
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Greece |
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jody5 Senior Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 876California, U.S.A. |
I was visiting the land of leisure A place where Kings did live Walking through Runes of History Sacred land of Mythology dedicated to the God called Zeus He is the God of the Gods. Suddenly Aphrodite did touch me I was lost in her delusion called love. Captivated by her power and strength Mythology captivated me. It became real not Imagined for me. And once you become realized you can't go back. yet, My prior faith saved my soul. Huggs Kimberly  |
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| © Copyright 2006 Kimberly Benton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Cari07 Junior Member
since 2006-06-28
Posts 33Missouri, US of A |
This seemed a bit rough to me. I think maybe a lot of the problem was typos possibly. However, I still was captivated by this line: "I was lost in her delusion called love". I love that. Love is SO delusional! |
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jody5 Senior Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 876California, U.S.A. |
I wrote this in my sleep this morning. I still can't find the spell check on my computer. Please forgive the misspelled words. Thank you for your feedback. Often times for me love is delusional. I went to Greece during my divorce and It was an experience of a lifetime for me. I still was maintaining my christianity, but it was the most interesting experiance of my life. I studied with a group of people before I went and I grew up there. Huggs Kimberly |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
Kimberly, you should have a checker on your Word Program if you have Microsoft Word you can copy and paste the poem into that and spell check it there I also use http://www.m-w.com as my dictionary and they give you the correct spellings if you look up a word that is misspelled. I have that on my favorites list for easy access... anyway, good poem here, I enjoyed the read and hopefully I could help you out some on the spelling issue hugs, Dixie |
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jody5 Senior Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 876California, U.S.A. |
Thank You Dixie, I will check into that. I appreciate the information. Huggs Kimberly |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Greece is a fascinating country and mythology adds to its charm. I hope that the supreme god of the Olympians ZEUS will not be offended by how you spelled his name! I'm teasing you! Lovely piece Margherita ps you can modify your text by clicking on the notebook icon at the top of the text box. |
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jody5 Senior Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 876California, U.S.A. |
Thank you, I did so as you spoke. Huggs Kimberly |
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Poetic Concept Member
since 2006-06-25
Posts 66God's Fingerprint |
I was visiting the land of leasure A place where Kings did live SP (Leisure) I think this particular "bar" is too plain no originality and the concepts are onlder than teh kings u r describing...JK I think the flow isnt efficient at all. Walking through runes of History Sacrid land of mythology SP (Sacred) (Ruins) The rhyme scheme is uneven it makes mythology seem extremly long, that occurs when there is a stretch in the rhyme which happens alot when u force a rhyme. dedicated to the God called Zuse He is the God of the Gods. SP (ZEUS) Seems like this is a rough draft like ur just now getting your ideas on paper, I think that line 2 is unneccessay in my opinion. Suddenly Aphrodite did touch me I was lost in her delusion called love. I think this has alot of unneccessary words, like "did" by changing the tense of touch it would create a more concrete line, line 2 "I was" the "I" was already evident in the line above I think that "I" just restates a known fact, thus unneccessary. Captivated by her power and strength Mythology captivated me. "Captivated" and "Mythology" have already been used which erks of repetition. I think that u should use other terms to express this, This poem is to short for repetition, way too short. It became real not Imagined for me. And once you become realized you can't go back. "Once u become realized" ummmm...I have a feeling of what u r getting at but I definetly would try to change this up...rhyme scheme has left by now and flow isnt evident either so the closing needs help. I think that this poem could use a revision, I figure that I might as tell u the problems with this so u can help yourself I think that that is the only way any poet can grow...keep writing and growing...elevation is the key...remember the first two lines and the last two are the most important so make sure u start with a bang and end with an even stronger bang A Poet...A Pen "How vain it is to sit down and write when u have not stood up to live" Anonymous (Unknown) |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I am so amazed that you could write this in your sleep! I can't spell in the daytime wide awake let alone at night sleeping! For the circumstances it was written in you did a good job. Re-written awake, it will be even better.. don't dismay.. you'll know how to improve it, especially after all the advise you have been given. Go girl!  |
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jody5 Senior Member
since 2005-12-21
Posts 876California, U.S.A. |
Poetic Concept; In order to properly critique you sort of had to go there. I am sorry you felt my poem so boring. But, your entitled to your opinion. As for you Songbird, Thank you, your loving ways are never distructive. Huggs Kimberly |
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David D Jerald Member
since 2006-08-07
Posts 74Tucson, Arizona |
 Dear jody5 You did good, I like the fact you checked out your history on that one. Shows you care. Don't let other poets ruin your love of writing. My guess is 50 percent of them didn't even crack a history book when in school. On Aphrodite, if you knew how she was made you may be a little disgusted. But here is the link to the page that tells you how she came into being. Don't say I didn't warn you. lol Dave http://www.pantheon.org/articles/a/aphrodite.html [This message has been edited by David D Jerald (08-11-2006 01:37 AM).] |
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