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Open Poetry #37
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Simple Hill
| Open Poetry #37 |
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Simple Hill |
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Jack Straw Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70 |
Sitting upon this simple hill, I contemplate today. I listen and feel the breeze go by, In search of some new ways Gazing down upon the valley I search myself within I feel a tear creep down my face My journey now begins Regret resides in my soul Hurl pity into the mix I wince when I choose to think About two thousand-six. My executive place will do me no good, I was victim of a cajole My money will do no good in the end It cannot save my soul God cannot help me either Grasp that there is no sin Search yourself for the key The answers lie within These realizations dawned on me And I hope they will you too We are but fleeting figments of the world It is your time to use How you use it, I do not care But, I know you’ll find your fill If just, every now and then, You come sit upon this hill. --- one thing I'd like to ask is if you like pity residing in the speakers soul. I feel like I need to change it to something more self-loathing. But anyway do you like the title? |
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| © Copyright 2006 Jack Straw - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I think it's excellent! I especially love the ending. |
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Devious Intellectual Member
since 2006-05-08
Posts 112 |
like this easy read and gave me the visual of just being over a beach cliff, def sumtin i'd do if i were at a beach, at first it sounded suicidal haha, i kinda like the idea of just thinking about everything at the edge of the cliff, like mayb you could add you leave all your negativity at the bottom of the cliff..i dunno ha... |
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Jack Straw Member
since 2006-03-02
Posts 70 |
I'd incorporate some of your ideas but I'd rather just leave it as is, entirely my own, hehe. I need to seek out my own simple hill for introspection, something everyone needs to do at least once a month. if not once a day  pssst the simple hill doesnt have to be a hill simply a quiet place that encourages thought. |
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