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Open Poetry #37
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Trivial Pursuits
| Open Poetry #37 |
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Trivial Pursuits |
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El_Campeador Senior Member
since 2003-01-29
Posts 761Ohio, USA |
I mostly write structured verse, but every once in a while I try my hand at free verse. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated... Trivial Pursuits I spend my life like the child Throwing pennies in the fountain Wishing… I could live in a castle Built on clouds… And change the world With magic? And build a monument That could last forever A trifling block of stone… But if I wake I could spend my life like the widow Giving what I have, Acting… I could build a castle We are living stones… And serve the world With love! And leave a monument That will last forever The hearts of those I touched… [This message has been edited by El_Campeador (04-04-2006 10:25 PM).] |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
"I could live in a castle Built on clouds… And change the world With magic? And build a monument That could last forever A trifling block of stone…" I have a thought valiant one... try free verse more often. You are excellent at it. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
I like this... yes, very much indeed. You should perhaps try free verse more often. Hugs~Nancy ~ Trace my body with your words, |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
Hi, I like your free verse very much. The format is good and the content is endearing, trivial pursuits which many more of us could pursue, as well! You may wish to to find a way to write lines without using the conjunctions 'and' or 'but' at the beginning of a sentence. Other than that, I think you did a great job! ~ Klassy  |
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El_Campeador Senior Member
since 2003-01-29
Posts 761Ohio, USA |
Thank you all for the input. You are very encouraging. “We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” –Robert Louis Stevenson |
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El_Campeador Senior Member
since 2003-01-29
Posts 761Ohio, USA |
Klassy, you are right that there are too many "Ands" in this poem. I'll have to avoid that next time. Ben “We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” –Robert Louis Stevenson |
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