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Open Poetry #36
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Disaster
| Open Poetry #36 |
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Disaster |
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Robertinbirmingham New Member
since 2006-01-06
Posts 4UK, Birmingham |
Ok, this is my first post, i'm 15, and i want you to tell me what you think :d I hope you like it. Duplicate copies stood tall as majestic twins To be brought down by shattered plane wings People ran, ran from their lives The loss of daughters, husbands, sons and wives The death of those that released their souls Burried under the rubble as industrial moles The consequences of these actions is war Their time to suffer? A presumption, nothing more Although what is it coming from me As i don't represent society The freedom of speech is leeched from my lips The ironic wound from gold arrowhead tips Death plagued on the hands of the dead Amongst that sunny day of bloodshed Cut and paste, the lives of the past A growing life i've never seen go so fast The ground is now where the innocent lay As the innocent are always the first to pay. I wrote whilst i was in school one time, i live in the UK and we were told to do it on a well known disaster so i did it on september the eleventh, i hope you liked it, please if there's any improvements or just comments i would love to hear them. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Robert Stainforth - All Rights Reserved | |||
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Robert, Welcome to Passions. My first post here was also on September 11. Cause for a lot of emotions. I have an observation: In the body of your post you asked for critiques. However, in your profile when asked if you want people to critique you work you indicate "no". You need to go back and change your profile if you truly want some feedback. Again welcome. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Welcome to Passions firstly, and secondly, you could not have picked a better subject for your first offering. Still this day is so vivid for all and you caught the emotions of that day all too well. I found your poem very informative, easy to read, and easy to comprehend. I look forward to reading more of your work. Don't forget also to post in the teen forum so you can inspire those in your age group as well with your talent. Again, welcome. Carpe' Diem |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Welcome Robert, Happy you have joined us to write at Passions. You wrote a powerful statement here, especially for a 15 year old. Poetry is all about stirring and conveying emotion. Fine job. You have great talent. ThisDiamond |
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Robertinbirmingham New Member
since 2006-01-06
Posts 4UK, Birmingham |
Thank you all for the feedback, how do i edit my profile, in response the the first reply, as i wasn't aware i didn't want critiques. Couls someone please tell me where to go and what to click so i can edit my profile?? Oh, and the reference the gold arrowhead tips and using it with irony is an old tradition which originates from the sikh religion. There was once this King that went to war, the Sikhs are known for being warriors as it's in their blood. The king would have golden arrowhead tips, so that if he killed anyone the gold on the arrow that killed the person would pay for the dead person's funeral, although this is a nice thought of that king i still though there was some irony in it. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Outstanding first post Robert! Please check your email for a special greeting! "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
On the top left of your screen is the "How to Join" button. Next to that is the "Member's area" button, click on that. You will see " Change your Profile". And that's it. Welcome to PiP. Cheers - Ed Grim |
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Robertinbirmingham New Member
since 2006-01-06
Posts 4UK, Birmingham |
Thnask you Edward, i've sorted it now, and thank you susan for the card i have just received, much thanks |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Welcome to the Passions family Robert !! Much enjoyed your first post Looking forward to many more ! Chris/Nightshade  |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
Hi Robert, i like the way you wrote this and managed not to let over-emotion take over, which is what happens when i have tried to write things like this. But you didn't, it was well structured which meant it flowed really well. Great first post. I live about an hour and a half away from you, good to see another Brit in here! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS ROBERT! I very much enjoyed your first post. I look forward to reading more of your work. ~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~ In the midst of winter, |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You would have been about the age of twelve when this horrendous act came to your attention. The fact that any decade's young people might know tragedy that will be talked about for years to come, is something that we, as adults, wish to remove; yet we leave it to our young to follow our grandparents dreams. Well done, Robert...we will all be looking forward to more of your work. And we will all find our own ways to Welcome you to Passions in Poetry!  |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Welcome Robert~ Great first post, you delivered with much imagery and emotion....your poem flowed quite well. enjoy the forums at Passions and look forward to reading more of your work. ~hugs~  Tracie Love is the life of the soul... |
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