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Horatio
| Open Poetry #36 |
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Horatio |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan 
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And the rest is silence And nothing said or made This side of the grave Will ever give back the chance One once did have To make it different He or she May walk in our memory Laugh with us in our fantasies Watch sunlight move across the floor Still we will know As we go on Who’s not there to share our time Come close the door And put the candle out This little play has ended |
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| © Copyright 2005 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ChemicalRepose Member
since 2004-03-28
Posts 102 |
I really enjoyed your words, although I do have one suggestion that might intrigue you... "Still we will know as we go on who's not there to share our time" how's: "Still we will know as we go on who's not there to share our sough" Just a suggestion. |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
sough: verb: to rustle: to make a soft rustling, sighing, or murmuring sound, like the wind in trees introduce into an environment place (seeds) in or on the ground for future growth indicate pain, discomfort, or displeasure to make a moaning sound noun: soughing sound: a sound like that made by a gentle wind through trees ? Thanks for reading though John |
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ChemicalRepose Member
since 2004-03-28
Posts 102 |
The definition of sough as i understand it is as follows: sough - indicate pain, discomfort, or displeasure. (syn: groan, moan) |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
I appreciate the idea but it would be contrary to the character whose theme is that death is the end of opportunity . . . |
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ChemicalRepose Member
since 2004-03-28
Posts 102 |
I found it to work in a way you may not have intended. What I got from this poem was a memory of someone once loved. Someone wishing there was someone there to share every experience with them, and the person not there must share their pain (sough) as well as their joy. It was only a suggestion, although my interpretation may have been different then the intended message. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Huan Yi, I loved your beautiful poem, exactly as it is. May I ask if you were referring to Horatio Nelson and war (inducing death), or was it a person of your acquaintance called Horatio? May I ask what language is Huan Yi? Is it pronounced phonetically as regards English pronunciation rules? If so (and probably if not so, too) it is musical and strong and beautiful. I love languages and although I suspect that Huan Yi may be Chinese, you may be interested in a poem that I am going to post tonight called Takahira Yashima Hiroyuka Tomita. - Owl |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
An interesting and sombre write, for sure! |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
Diana, Huan Yi was the Chinese composer of Three Variations on a Theme of Plum Blossoms, (14th century), a beautiful flute melody that is one of my favorites. As to the Horatio that was the starting point, the clue is in the first line. Thanks for reading, John |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Huan Yi, I love flute music too. Each note sounds so pure and perfect. I think I understand that we will never know who the Horatio was. Thank you for the gentle explanation. - Owl |
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Drauntz Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905Los Angeles California |
beautiful. You never need to mechnically rhyme.all is natural breath flowing. oh, Huan Yi, enjoy such a high class taste of music and name. I shall lay in my box then enjoy it but once a year would bore me enough. every one is playing that... Chinese Culture is very rich. Have you got a chance to visit there? try it. |
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