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Magnus
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since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

0 posted 2005-11-14 09:57 PM


Yet again you stole my breath,  
my ache resounding, surrounding,
demanding.

Leaving me worn upon the sands
that swallowed each print, each clutch
of a weathered hand digging deeper
as you softly, sensually whisked
from me a whisper...more I say,  
more...

Stars gather my soul, casting it to
the four corners of time, as winds
search my eyes, tear them, release
them that they might see..

And now, I lay helplessly spent,
awaiting the rise of morning tides
and the trill of a Loon before the
owl flies once more...and a star
falls silently, piercing my heart
again.

© Copyright 2005 Barry J. Tackett - All Rights Reserved
Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
1 posted 2005-11-14 11:01 PM


Barry...a poem of passion, much enjoyed!  
Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
2 posted 2005-11-14 11:14 PM


"awaiting the rise of morning tides
and the trill of a Loon before the
owl flies once more"

~ I plucked these lines out for a specific reason. They bring back wonderful memories of my camping in the wildnerness of Northern Ontario.

All your poems evoke an emotion or a memory for me, Sir Poe-et!


Linda

MARK V SHELDON
Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015
In a corporeal internship...
3 posted 2005-11-14 11:57 PM


...and you, Sir, have a consistent soft tone in your story-like descriptions which always bear your stamp of evocative quality.  You haven't disappointed me yet, and I don't forsee the day, either...

-MVS

You CAN make a difference, but first you should learn how: http://educate-yourself.org/intro.shtml

bgj
Member
since 2005-11-09
Posts 128
Ga. USA
4 posted 2005-11-15 11:13 AM


I really like this,

"Stars gather my soul, casting it to
the four corners of time, as winds
search my eyes, tear them, release
them that they might see.."

Great write, lots of luck,
bgj


CastleGuard
Senior Member
since 2003-04-30
Posts 760
Alberta, Canada
5 posted 2005-11-15 11:53 AM



I just absolutely love this kind of writing. Excellent work, Barry.

CG

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
6 posted 2005-11-15 04:03 PM


What an exquisite work of flawless art fashioned by a master!  It is a pleasure to read a love poem that holds the attention of the reader every syllable of the way!

I like the way you started in the middle of your story with “Yet again”.  

You have taken what could have been clichés and have sculpted them into something deliciously unique with a single word, for example, “the four corners of time”.

You have used alliteration and assonance very effectively throughout the poem.  For example, the assonance in “resounding, surrounding / demanding” lengthens the ache effectively and enhances the ambiance of sadness/passion/need - and the alliteration and assonance in “softly, sensually whisked / from me a whisper” flows beautifully without any hint of being forced.  

The sustained beach imagery in the first half of the second stanza paints a stark picture of your devastation.

You interact with Nature in a wild dance in which it embraces you and yet tears you apart, just as your lover does.

The pièce de résistance for me is (and not because I am an owl – or rather that has very little to do with it), sandwiched in between lying “helplessly spent” and the falling star piercing your heart (beautiful images in themselves), you bring in the sound of the loon and the image of the owl’s last flight.  That, for me, turns an excellent poem into something way beyond that.  We don’t have loons in South Africa and I have no idea of its call, except, of course, that it trills, but I am “hearing” it over and over, long after each time I have reached the end of your poem, just as I am seeing the owl's soundless flight.

Thank you for this wonderful experience.  I will most certainly be looking out for more of your work.

- Owl

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
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In Your Poetic Mind
7 posted 2005-11-15 04:38 PM


Barry

this is one of the best I've read from you....amazing words and images....

~~**~~
There are moments when speech
is but a mouth pressed lightly and
humbly against the angel's hands
~~**~~

Nightshade
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Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
8 posted 2005-11-15 09:49 PM


Now....How did I ever miss this perfect piece?! I am keepin' this one.
hugs, Chris

Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance.
~Carl Sandburg

pictureme2
Member
since 2005-11-13
Posts 194

9 posted 2005-11-15 09:59 PM


A very sensual poem that satisfies til the very end leaving the reader wanting more!
Great job and great choice of words!

Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
10 posted 2005-11-15 10:22 PM


Beautiful--I love your imagery!

~*Krista Lee Knutson*~

Let your life lightly dance on the edges of time like dew on the tip of a leaf.
~Rabindranath Tagore


LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

11 posted 2005-11-16 07:52 AM


Leaving me worn upon the sands
that swallowed each print, each clutch
of a weathered hand digging deeper
as you softly, sensually whisked
from me a whisper...more I say,  
more...


exquisitly beautiful...like reading a full cup of spiritual finding....

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
12 posted 2005-11-16 09:03 AM


A true romantic you are Barry!  This was just beautiful.  

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Ratleader
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Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
13 posted 2005-11-25 12:26 PM


Well -- you'll save money with this around...who needs to turn up the thermostat???

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

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