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Ever Present ( tanka )
| Open Poetry #36 |
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Ever Present ( tanka ) |
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Nightshade 
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach 
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 . . . love surrounds we two shining brightly from our eyes in tender soft touch love's gift is ever present even in our silhouettes ~ . . . Chris Barker October 2005 ~~~~ |
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| © Copyright 2005 Chris Barker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
And that's exactly what it's like ... to be sure  |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
SweetChris~ You do these sooooo expertly~ LOVE the new photo of YOU~  *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*No matter what I search for ... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Excellent Chris..!! And love your new pic...(shows your impish side)  Love ya and miss ya, Teed. ~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile.~ |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
The first line is not needed. John |
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scorpio Member Ascendant
since 2002-10-02
Posts 5178right...there |
Chris I enjoyed the whole poem..nice pic too. Both pics in fact... believe in what your heart feels... |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Thankyou all so much for reading and commenting. Hugs all round. Nancy Lee - My eyes were playin' tricks on me...lol...I thought you typed the word "chimpish" ...lol...but it was "impish." John - I am not sure what you mean by not needing the first line...perhaps you could explain. Thankyou for your input. |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Chris, this is sooooo pretty! ....jo |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Maybe this attracted me so much because I just finished drawing seventy silhouttes on Wednesday! Whatever the reason, I found this to be magnificient. The photo you chose accents it perfectly and doesn't over-power your lovely poem. Much enjoyed! miscellanea |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...James |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
jo, misc & James - thankyou poets three! Hugs!! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I understand what John is saying, but to have it in Tanka form...then yes, the first line is a need/must... I believe John enjoys simplicity... but it was good of him to look in...wasn't it? Enjoyed this, little one. So glad you are "home again" after your summer fun... More, please? |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
Chris, ---------- shining brightly from our eyes in tender soft touch-- love's gift is ever present even in our silhouettes ~ -------------------- Treat the poem as if it were a translation John |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Karilea - thankyou so much for taking the time to read and comment. Big Hugs! John - I wish that I had finished high school and gone on to study poetry form in college. I am very interested in learning all that I can now that I am in my grandma years. Thankyou. I can see how my poem could have been improved now. Hugs! |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
You go Girl! Love the pics and the words as well....a beautiful lady, most certainly! |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Gosh, thankyou Magnus my friend. Made me blush you did. hugs!! |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
This is so nice, Chris. I love it. |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Many thanks & Hugs Sue!! |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
The first line....uh, um....is it needed? Let's see....Does it detract from the poem? No.....Does it add anything that you were trying to relate?...I think so.....I think alot of people try to "assume" what you're trying to relate without knowing what was on 'one's' mind when it was written....Now take my garbage for instance.....Balladeer doesn't critique mine....he just bashes the hell out of everything about it.....not only the expertly written and composed work but the personality behind the thought...LOL....and I thrive on that...And just think?..I've never done anything to "Deer" to be treated like that?...(But I will soon) (By the way...what is that sticking out of that guy's lap in that pic?) |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
ROTFL@Toe's reply!!!!  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Chris, Just lovely. |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
OMG!!!!  Well, leave it to you Toe!Ha ha haaaa!!! No wonder love is all around that couple! Good grief. Hopefully no one else was there except the photographer. Thankyou for your more than welcome reply. Miss ya & Hugs! Seymour - thankyou so much. Hugs! Nancy Lee - NO I didn't see that in the pic before I posted it. You know me better than that. |
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