Open Poetry #35 |
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Counting Clouds |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA ![]() |
i tried counting clouds once stood there looking up at that sky all sweaty-faced pointing a finger at each one as i counted. one, two, three....sixteen, seventeen but the clouds would not hold still they kept movin', changin' dissapatin',disappearin' there before my eyes. one minute there, next minute gone you know how it is... it was too hard keepin' track. how can you count something that won't stay in one place? i watched an elephant turn into a horse turn into a dog turn into a mouse and....gone. where do clouds go when they die? they move around like little puffs of smoke at the mercy of the wind? or do they all come together someplace else? all i know is, to me, they're gone. saw a castle up there for a minute fat, billowy towers , tall one right in the middle. i looked for the princess in the window but she wasn't there. didn't last though.. started breaking up before i could even count it. i screamed out, "Don't go, girl!!" but clouds don't pay attention to pathetic voices like mine. they got their own agenda, i suppose. thought i saw your face for a minute but it was just smoke havin' fun with me. so there i stood, face wet with sweat too dumb to even realize that man don't sweat in december counting clouds that won't hold still and watching them go away |
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© Copyright 2005 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
Geez, now you've done it with this beautiful non rhyming verse, I'll be thinking of you forever and ever when I see clouds drifting by. ![]() I don't know where they go The clouds that one can't count Are they disappearing in thin air to pop up again somewhere else? Write your name in one and who knows It might drift my way to say hello Just for fun Don't know where the clouds disappear to All I know is that every cloud Will carry your beautiful words in non rhyming verse to hearts unknown Thank you my friend for sharing your gift. ![]() |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"man don't sweat in december" then woman is doing something wrong. ![]() chuckle? "I've looked at clouds from both sides now, from up and down and still somehow it's cloud illusions I recall..." we really don't know clouds at all. ![]() Lucky for us, there is a skyfull, for all of them, yes? ![]() from student to master, love ya Mike |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Mike "where do clouds go when they die?" I asked this same question about butterflies once. I'm impressed with this free verse....very!! ![]() |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Loved this, Balladeer! ![]() |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
man don't sweat in december They do in Oz...heh enjoyed your freeverse m'deer mxx Oh, you speak to me in riddles |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Balladeer Clouds are like the mist of the mind, they come and go. |
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SEA![]() ![]()
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I was just cloud watching the other day...haven't had a chance to do that for a while and I sure enjoyed it, and i enjoyed this very much ![]() |
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Marsha![]()
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
'Deer darling man, there you see, you think you know someones free verse, and you find that you don't at all. This is something rather special, I particularly love the imagery within this, the internal thoughts are just so good. YOU do write well you know, actually you write extremely well, but I don't like to say it too often because otherwise you might stop writing, and I'd never want that. Men don't sweat in December? They do sometimes, if I play my cards right..................... Now, people I don't know what you're thinking but I mean they do if they carry the Christmas shopping. No truly I meant that, I'm just an innocent you know, well innocent ish. Always a pleasure to read your divine words darling man, and this is superb as always Mushy ![]() ![]() ![]() Tomorrow is another day I don't know what it holds |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
I like the unstructured narrative. It was easy to read and felt natural. Wasn't getting the 'man don't sweat' part at first, but that's ok. The kid inside keeps tabs. ![]() |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Ah, Titia, that's right...you are the cloud queen!! ![]() serenity gal...lucky indeed. We've got bright clouds, dark clouds, clouds with silver linings, sunshine on a cloudy day...you name it. No sweat.. ![]() Martie...thank you..it ain't easy for me! Where do butterflies go when they die? To the Cater Pillars! ![]() iliana...thanks for reading. I appreciate it! Dark Angel...I'm sure all is possible in Oz! Thanks for the high praise from the queen of free verse!!! Seymour...and ruin a lot of golf games!! SEA...it can be very calming, can't it? Marsha...your innocence is always on display....an inspiration to us all!!! Alicat..seems not a lot of people got that line...better stick to my rhymes!! Thanks, pal... |
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Cloud 9 Senior Member
since 2004-11-05
Posts 980Ca |
I am totally loving this..... |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
this was delightful, although, for a sweaty face, cut hands under cold running water, and splash the heck outa your face....all will be well, and if that fails, get wify to tap you a little on the cheek...ahhhh, forget that, she might wind up and come in for the kill????? I dunno? hehe Enjoyed this |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
beautiful write.......clouds...who would have thought they could say so much under your pen? |
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Startime55 Member Elite
since 2003-04-05
Posts 2148Alberta, Canada |
Wonderful writing..but then the Deer could do no less...Where do clouds go when they die?...Why, you know...I don't believe they die...they just move from place to place changing their magical shape to suit the eyes of all who try to count them....**Big Hugs** |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You always save the best punch for last... Excellent work, Balladeer... thank you for this! |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Beautiful you shall write a children's book! |
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