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Open Poetry #35
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Snow flakes melt
| Open Poetry #35 |
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Snow flakes melt |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams 
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You my love are a snow flake Spring comes: you melt away Flowers grow near the clear lake The warm sun awakes the day But I held you in my hand. It wasn't the seasons crime. Winds blew you to a far land Where you're reborn as a mime And I? My love you forgot Now I just stand back and stair How Your love, I so much sought I put flowers in my hair T'll The day I name you naught I will embrace spring's fresh air Juju Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
"And I? My love you forgot Now I just stand back and stair How Your love, I so much sought I put flowers in my hair" I really liked this part...so sentimental...  |
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netsky Member
since 2005-03-29
Posts 148Miami |
Well! This is only the second Juju poem I read and I already am quite fond of Juju poems. A few -seemng typos- make small flaws needlessly. Here I insert corrections as I think are needed. Some are optional tiny re-wording. You have a vision that I lack. There consider these to be mere suggestions from an empathetic reader. I like JuJu again.. and twice already. cool poem. You, my love, are a snow flake Spring comes: you melt away Flowers grow near the clear lake The warm sun awakes the day But I held you in my hand. It wasn't the season's crime. Winds blew you to a far land Where you're reborn as a mime And I? My love, you forgot Now I just stand back and stare How (is?) your love I so much sought I put flowers in my hair Until The day I name you naught I will embrace springtime's fresh air Juju |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
Thank you for your responces every one. UNless I get a second opinion I think that I will pass on The corrections made unless they are spelling. I need to keep the rythem. I think by adding "is", it will change what I say. Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic |
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