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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2004-10-20 09:27 PM

Amputee

Incongruent
with your face,
an otherwise fair poem,
a bad last verse.

Monster tongs
that metal from your wrist
frighten children about their future.

Near you
I think how fortunate,
your curse,
like chalk on slate,
forewarns a nascent interest.

All the love,
let alone my own,
will not move the center of your world
from the glint of steel
that clicks atop
your bag of groceries.

I see things
more warily
than when I was young;
unwilling
to go to war
for a nation,
a woman.

Silent,
oblivious
but to being in the open,
with your iron
you leave.
My moment's passion
goes through the door refrained.

Avoiding the hurt,
I walk to my car,
already beginning
forgetting you,

the look of your face,
feeling wise,

and, in a small corner
of who I was,

ashamed.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

1 posted 2004-10-20 10:46 PM

I, too, see things more warily than when I was young.

You took a simple moment and turned it into character definition.

Very thoughtful, and the implied politic is handled gracefully methinks.

Nice work John.

Enjoyed this glimpse, however painful.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 2004-10-21 12:13 PM

It is usually easy to walk away, but what is left inside may change what you do next time.

I enjoyed the introspective feel to this and the thoughts it left me with...thank you.

J.Samm
Member

since 2004-01-12

Posts 415
Iloilo City, Philippines

3 posted 2004-10-21 12:38 PM

the look of your face,
feeling wise,

and, in a small corner
of who I was,

ashamed

I love the powerful contrast here...a poignant write

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

4 posted 2004-10-21 04:35 PM

I liked this poem.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

5 posted 2004-10-21 06:48 PM

nicely done sir.. nicely done indeed

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

6 posted 2007-05-14 11:39 PM

are you talking about yourself? Did you get wounded in the Viet-war? I hope not. Well I can only hope that this is just your poetic poem.

wish you well.

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