»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #34
»
Elements
| Open Poetry #34 |
|
Elements |
|
|
Goldenrose Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665
|
Bearing in my clouds, sweet refreshing rains, a rejoice. Winds warm during summer dreams, humming in alluring sonorous voice. Sun beams a golden stair, illumination for God to see creatures dear. Better to keep watch on his subjects, evil danger he watches, freeing them from fear. Shaken like flour, snowflakes falling, white wonder under midnight stars aglow. Ghostly grey fog of early morn, dispersed by the heat of the sun, steady and slow. |
||
| © Copyright 2005 P.D - All Rights Reserved | |||
Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
don't take this in a negative way (as it is, only my opinion) but this is the first piece by you (that i've read) and didn't think it was too wordy and not tight enough. seriously, i enjoyed this one very much. "so I wait for you like a lonely house |
||
|
Goldenrose Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665 |
Your words of advice are appreciated, yes this is plain and simple, but it was the mood i was in at the time that made it so. Do you think my poems too wordy? define''wordy'' so that i might better understand. I am here to post poems but also to write poems people will enjoy, not feel like they are too heavy...thank you snow for the advice...we all can learn to be better writers... Goldenrose. |
||
|
Snow
since 2000-10-16
Posts 1170desert flower looking for rain |
if you want to hear more of what i think, write me and we'll do it off the board. i've tried to write you in the past, but i never get an email through ... take care, snow "so I wait for you like a lonely house |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
