rough draft...last 3 lines esp. in flux, ideas?

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Open Poetry #34

rough draft...last 3 lines esp. in flux, ideas?

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2004-12-28 11:04 AM

tis morning
we move toward Epiphany
not just any epiphany
the main one
the important one
important for all of humankind
the realization of the truth beneath the star
the Bethlehem Star
the Superstar
the Messiah
the Savior
wrapped in swaddling clothes
humbly reigning from a manger
reigning with love
more powerful than the sum
of all woven by mankind
about this Earth
more true
more profound
eternal
for all who accept
all who sign the receipt
with their hearts

December 28, 2004

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Lighthousebob
Member Elite

since 2000-06-14

Posts 4725
California

1 posted 2004-12-28 11:41 AM

VAS,

You have me thinking too hard here already... (Ouch) Maybe it's just fine the way your poem sits or maybe you might want to educate us a bit more about the celebration of Epiphany which is observed 12 days after Christmas and represents the time when the Magi first met the Savior. As it is, your poem is Great, but, in my opinion, how could any poem about Christ Jesus be otherwise. (Smiles) Nice to read you again my poet friend. -Bob

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

2 posted 2004-12-28 11:48 AM

all who sign the receipt
with their hearts

this is so lovely....

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