The Ship Chandler's Clerk - pipTalk Forums

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RMW
Senior Member

since 2001-03-21

Posts 1424

0 posted 2004-12-22 12:42 PM

The Ship Chandler's Clerk

She'd known rough men (a friend and brother)
fresh from ships,
their muscular laughter stomping up the wharf,
spilling into the streets and shops
and drawing looks from women delicately married.
Waiting to speak with the chandler's clerk
she took a moment to reflect.
On a shelf, a pair of black sea boots,
highly buffed, caught the sunlight
as if to anticipate the dark depth
of a first mate's features. From a rack
a wool pilot's coat looked broad and weighty.
At the counter, a man of affairs, perhaps a broker,
leaned intently as the slight clerk
spoke of an overdue vessel.
Lovingly he touched a chart,
his long fingers tracing southerly.
Words, distant and foreign eased as his voice
mingled with the latent noise
of gear and equipment sold to a ship
stranded and breaking up even as they spoke.
Suddenly he bit his lip, revealing a tongue tip
that made her thoughts flick to the previous week
when her eyes had caught his thin, hard chest
glistening with sweat in the August heat.

RMW

[This message has been edited by RMW (12-23-2004 09:49 AM).]

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2004-12-22 01:03 PM

...Damn!!
This is excellent!

Warm thought on a cold winter's day.
Well done sir...well done!

Season's Greetings!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2004-12-22 01:08 PM

A vignette...
but far from warmth,
I feel a sense of hardship,
doom, and sadness...

An excellent, telling write...

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

3 posted 2004-12-22 01:50 PM

"Suddenly he bit his lip, revealing a tongue tip
that made her thoughts flick to the previous week
when her eyes had caught his thin, hard chest
glistening with work in the August heat"

The shy girl shows another side...

*smile"

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

4 posted 2004-12-22 03:03 PM

Yes, an excellent telling. I like the way you've foreshadowed the situation. A moving write.
miscellanea

RMW
Senior Member

since 2001-03-21

Posts 1424

5 posted 2004-12-22 03:45 PM

Enchantress, Sunshine, Susan and Miscellanea ....... thank you for the encouragement. It helps ......... very much.
Bob

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

6 posted 2004-12-22 07:20 PM

Wow. Great write!! Enjoyed

~

~Alli~

Happy Holidays!

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