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1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

0 posted 2004-07-20 12:58 PM

And

and
where are you tonight
when my skin aches
to be touched
what is it
that makes me
feel so much
and have so little
a whisper dancing
across the grass
yearning in slow burn
to be with roots
an ember waiting
to be a fire

"be prepared to bleed" Joni Mitchell

exhale
Senior Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 646
Alberta,Canada

1 posted 2004-07-20 03:19 AM

where are you tonight
when my skin aches
to be touched
what is it
that makes me
feel so much
and have so little

beautiful,i loved every inch of it.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2004-07-20 04:55 AM

he's definitely missing out, I'd say

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

3 posted 2004-07-20 08:36 AM

nights have a way
of dumping the buckets out
facing you
so the empty shows

I kicked the bottoms out
of mine
so I can see tomorrow
and another chance

when night turns them up

cool stuff ms slick

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

4 posted 2004-07-20 09:41 AM

nicely done Helen... as usual.

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

5 posted 2004-10-21 09:52 PM

i can feel the tease of the persons shadow in this
very nice

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant

since 2004-10-12

Posts 6688
Waukegan

6 posted 2004-10-22 12:11 PM

If only I could show
to someone who knows

this moon,
these flowers,
this night that should not be wasted

Minamoto Nobuakira

cynicsRus
Senior Member

since 2003-06-06

Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!

7 posted 2004-10-22 12:49 PM

Rather liked the imagery here.
Didn't quite know what to make of the title at first. I realized however, that it's quite suitable, given the longings expressed within the piece which seem to drift off into an obscure horizon. It doesn't work as a whole line the way you have it in L1.
Since the phrase, "[do a] slow burn" conveys a buildup of anger, L11 seemed a bit of a distraction to me. I began to wonder later however, if it was intentional, turning the reader gently in a new direction.
Overall, nice.

Sid
If you must carp: Carpe diem!

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