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BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

0 posted 2004-07-14 03:38 AM

~*~

You would not care to stand
behind the sun setting in my eyes.
There are flecks flying, like unfit pieces of a mosaic
transforming colors in camouflage,
straight lines, and broken chips
worn down to the heart.

Fanning an impossible flame
storming summer rains
humid in the mist,
casting sepia shades in the shadows
burnt around the edges
marked with salt water stains.

Spread thin in a cloudy haze
skimming the surface
lying down low
clinging to the sea
strung out in the afterglow.

Where pearl essence of foam
turns the twilight around
then slips through my fingers
and fades from my vision.
Drawing the curtain closed.

~*~

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

1 posted 2004-07-14 03:43 AM

Bluesy, no I don't think I would want to stand there. But I really liked sitting here and reading this powerful, wonderfully penned poem!

.....jo

EagleOne
Member Elite

since 2000-03-07

Posts 2829
Between a laugh and a tear...

2 posted 2004-07-14 05:43 AM

You paint such a vivid picture, excellent!

"A spring shower was cause to run
Until you twirled me in the rain" ~ BDC

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

3 posted 2004-07-14 06:39 AM

stunning...so visual bringing all you've felt close to the readers heart...this was a tremendous read and write. Thank you for sharing.

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

4 posted 2004-07-14 06:42 AM

'drawing the curtain closed'
kind of forlorn and beautiful and bluesy too
the stuff of a romance novel
miss you, hope to hear from you dear blondie

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

5 posted 2004-07-14 07:43 AM

You would not care to stand
behind the sun setting in my eyes.
There are flecks flying, like unfit pieces of a mosaic
transforming colors in camouflage,
straight lines, and broken chips
worn down to the heart.

Fanning an impossible flame
storming summer rains
humid in the mist,
casting sepia shades in the shadows
burnt around the edges
marked with salt water stains.
=================================

WOW GIRL!!!!
there are so many cool personifis, metaphors and images in this that Im moth giddy....

like unfit pieces of a mosaic
transforming colors in camouflage,
straight lines, and broken chips
worn down to the heart.

wow.........

casting sepia shades in the shadows
burnt around the edges
marked with salt water stains.

wow again......

and how cool is this line...

Where pearl essence of foam
turns the twilight around

emotionally powerful write, Lori-girl, as always your expressions are honest and your writing impressive. This is a bittersweet beauty...and a keeper.

I would love to live as a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding.

~Fluent~
John O'Donohue

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

6 posted 2004-07-14 09:39 AM

hmmm, moody Blues...I can feel it...

keeping this one...
~K~

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

7 posted 2004-07-14 12:38 PM

Very nice images. I enjoyed the read of this.

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

8 posted 2004-07-14 05:18 PM

Thanks iliana, I've seen better days, that's for sure!
Like you, sometimes I would rather not look.

EagleOne~  The assorted shades are blowing in a little too close to home,
so I suppose it's a good thing that they're starting to fade.
Nevertheless, I thank you for taking in the view.   *smiling*

LeeJ~  Thank you so much for your lovely thoughts.

Dear Michele~ and bluesy too?  What did you expect???

I'm sorry I've been so out of touch, I owe you a bottle of peroxide.
Hugs sweet girlie, girl~

Janet Marie~  Thank for leaving such a warm and caring reply,
and even more for all the kindness you show to me.

Kahlil~  Moody blues among other things.  Since the shoe fit I bought one in every color.  Thanks.

WhiteRose~  I'm glad you enjoyed my poem, and I thank you for letting me know.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

9 posted 2004-07-16 12:10 PM

the moth had to read this one again...
bttt

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

10 posted 2004-07-16 09:32 AM

good grief girl....
is it any wonder I love your poetry?!
this is awesome

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

11 posted 2004-07-16 12:42 PM

very nice... but then the words you write always are well done..

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

12 posted 2004-07-16 03:27 PM

Lori, you have left me totally at a loss for words and I doubt that to say I love you suffices for a proper response,
but I truly do love this.

Is it any wonder I am hooked on your poetry? One word....
PUBLISH

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

13 posted 2004-07-17 04:18 AM

Janet Marie~  You're the sweetest moth I ever knew, tis true!
What's bbbt all about, huh?  So many many hugs, and i do thank you, sincerely.

SEA~ Likewise, I love yours too, doncha know!!!  Thanks so much for reading me.

Cpat~ You humble me in the very best way.
Gosh, thanks.

Donna? It will nevah happen, not evah.....just know I  thank you for your high praise,  that is the nicest compliment and I feel honored.   Hugs to you sweetie.

rwood
Member Elite

since 2000-02-29

Posts 3793
Tennessee

14 posted 2004-07-18 10:23 AM

I love how you stand in the sea of aware. Each line provokes both want, and run away.

Love,
Reg

Snowflake From Hell
Senior Member

since 2003-07-10

Posts 777
My own little Icey Oblivion

15 posted 2004-07-18 11:10 AM

very enjoyable

Victims....aren't we all?

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

16 posted 2004-07-18 11:39 AM

Each line worth a pause to savor.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Purple Poet On Wheels
Member

since 2002-06-21

Posts 145
Pittsburgh/Edinboro, PA

17 posted 2004-07-18 12:07 PM

HOLY CRAP

Vote Kerry/Edwards

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

18 posted 2004-07-19 10:38 PM

This is what poetry sounds like.
Sandra

kayjay
Member Elite

since 2002-06-24

Posts 2015
Oregon

19 posted 2004-07-19 10:59 PM

Lots of folks picked favorite line
So could I chose these to be...well...mine.

"casting sepia shades in the shadows
burnt around the edges
marked with salt water stains."

Lots to say here about things that just don't work out. Nice job. Ken

Through rubble and trouble and dark of night
The yawn of a dawn will hasten the light

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

20 posted 2004-07-19 11:24 PM

Bluesy,
You really know how to set a mood with your imagery, Lady!
misc'e

Saunni
Senior Member

since 2000-07-11

Posts 1777
West Virginia

21 posted 2004-07-19 11:47 PM

This is beyond words!

Sauni:)The Only Time I See The Sun Is When I'm Within That Vanilla Breeze.The Only Time I'm One With The Sun Is When He Shelters Me From The Rain.

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

22 posted 2004-07-20 12:52 PM

I would like to look from exactly there. I think I would be a better person if I were able to do that, and I know I'd be one with clearer view of life than I have most of the time.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

PKreturns
Member

since 2003-07-21

Posts 362
New Orleans, LA

23 posted 2004-07-20 08:37 AM

To everyone else's replies: Ditto.
lol
Seriously, this is great, just like all your poems.

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