The "Perfect" Poem (a poet's lament)

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rascalx
Senior Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 590
Florence, SC, USA

0 posted 2004-10-04 03:03 AM

v1.
Some poems are forever
although the poets age
Write and the word is written
Then we turn the page

v2.
Some poems take forever
caught between page and pen
Fleeting thoughts only half glimpsed
never to be read again

br.
If I could remember all of my dreams
then maybe I would find
the perfect poem inside of me
to ease my troubled mind

Chorus
The more I write, the more I just feel lonely
Why does it hurt so much when the things I write are true?
Do my words get across
the love and the loss
when you don't really know me?
When all the writing is through
and I've done all I can do
my poems will be my final gift to you

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

1 posted 2004-10-04 03:10 AM

This is absolutely beautiful, Jeff.
I enjoyed reading it.
Hugs,
Ethel

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

2 posted 2004-10-04 03:31 AM

Gift enough my friend. Peace...

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

3 posted 2004-10-04 04:39 AM

I really enjoyed this write - written from the heart filled with love and longing

Roniece Dawson-Bruce

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2004-10-04 09:26 AM

Very much enjoyed this piece..
would love to hear it put to music!
Hugs~

~Autumn..the year's last, loveliest smile.~

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

5 posted 2004-10-04 01:16 PM

I always love reading what you write...beautifully sad

rascalx
Senior Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 590
Florence, SC, USA

6 posted 2004-10-05 03:56 AM

Paula, Enchantress, Roniece, Larry, garysgirl,

Thank you for the kind words; I hope one day to put all of my "songs" to music. Obviously, I'm a sucker for sad love ballads.

After writing this poem, it struck me as rather funny because while I feel like I am finally coming "into my own" with my writing again after a long dry spell; this song would probably make a great "coda" to my work... the "perfect" last poem for a poet to write... thus the title. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go write the other three hundred poems that have been hiding in my head this past year (lol)

dgvarner
Member Elite

since 2000-05-13

Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida

7 posted 2004-10-05 11:49 AM

Awesome Jeff!

That second verse is so well written and such truth..there are so many things in my head that will never get any further than where they are....

How good to read you again

hugs, g

"Now would you mind if I bared my soul / If I came right out and said you're beautiful..." B. Adams

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

8 posted 2004-10-05 12:12 PM

WRITE ON!!!

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

9 posted 2004-10-05 01:25 PM

what a cherished gift to share with someone, your soul....
Lovely!!!

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

10 posted 2004-10-05 02:35 PM

Perfection is in baring heart and soul, in sharing depth and feeling - perfection is the movement of another soul -

Enjoyed this-

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

11 posted 2004-10-05 02:38 PM

Excellent writing Jeff. So much of this is just perfect truths about writing and poetry....loved this.

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-21

Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song

12 posted 2004-10-05 03:18 PM

"The more I write, the more I just feel lonely
Why does it hurt so much when the things I write are true?"
****************

The hurt would still be there however maybe not bared so much.  For me, writing is a purification and release to an extent.  Great lines there with some very real questions.
****************

"Do my words get across
the love and the loss
when you don't really know me?"
****************

another great question.  I think maybe we can all relate but only to the extent of what we hold from our own lives.  The wonderful thing about poetry, is that is sheds a perspective of one and gives meaning to so many.
****************

"When all the writing is through
and I've done all I can do
my poems will be my final gift to you"
****************

and a gift it truely is.  Wonderful read this was, and I can only imagine the music that would accompany it.  I truely enjoyed the expressions in this one.

msrascalx
Junior Member

since 2004-09-25

Posts 15
Conway, SC

13 posted 2004-10-05 03:26 PM

Great work, seems so sad, I hope that you find your muse.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

14 posted 2004-10-05 03:26 PM

rascalx
A joy to read.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

15 posted 2004-10-05 05:40 PM

indeed

rascalx
Senior Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 590
Florence, SC, USA

16 posted 2004-10-06 01:40 AM

dittydogg (ain't heard that in awhile, have ya'?

),
My mind is constantly flooded with ideas for poems and it's sad how few of them actually make it to the page. I try to jot down ideas on scraps of paper or whatever is handy but it seems that some ideas just get lost in the shuffle of life. "sigh" I should hire a personal secretary (lol) I'd say Vickie (msrascalx) could be my secretary, but when she is around I'm way too distracted to write

Thanks for reading; it's good to be read again.

Enchantress, LeeJ, Susan, Gentle Spirit, Seymour, shadows,
Thank you all for reading and for your kind comments

Vickie,
Silly girl, YOU'RE my muse. I didn't start writing again until I met you. Love you

(and thanks for reading my poem of course)

Mark,
    Writing is very therapeutic and purifying for me too. I'm glad I'm able to find release on paper.
    As for the music, I imagine this as a soft acoustic ballad, maybe even a'cappella

                              - Jeff

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

17 posted 2004-10-06 09:27 AM

Some poems take forever
caught between page and pen

I love this line...it speaks of sweet time

I think some poems are meant to be lived with arms open wide...and if they never make it to the page, at least they have been experienced.

I notice you and your wife are both on here - nice to "meet" you both; I haven't read either of your work until today

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

18 posted 2004-10-06 02:53 PM

Jeff~
I believe that seeking the elusive 'perfection' is something that keeps us all penning~
May it ever be~

Great write~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email [email protected]

rascalx
Senior Member

since 1999-08-25

Posts 590
Florence, SC, USA

19 posted 2004-10-06 09:27 PM

Copper,
Glad to "meet" you too and thanks for reading. I like your image of poems being shared with wide open arms. In a similar way, I equate posting my poems here with releasing a bunch of balloons; it's interesting and fun to see how far they "travel".

Marge,
Thanks for the kind words

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

20 posted 2004-10-11 10:33 PM

~~*~~
Read between the lines
look deep into each word
and you will understand the
depth of my soul (GE)
~~**~~

BldWhtRose
Junior Member

since 2001-09-24

Posts 38
Alabama USA

21 posted 2004-12-07 12:46 PM

Hey Darling....
Hope you and Vickie are doing great!
I Miss You My Bestest Buddy !!!!!!

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