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exhale
Senior Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 646
Alberta,Canada

0 posted 2004-09-21 10:49 PM

don't make a sound
let your breathing tell the story
slow and calculated
in and out
you're telling me how it works
how life works
i'm so naive
you'll breathe deep
and tell me what you're thinking
i want to be with you
i want to be in you
understand the unimaginable
i want to be near you
and soak you in
just be a part of your life
thats all
the music in the backround just fuels my thoughts
"you remind me of home,
a broken bed with dirty sheet,
that creaks when i am moving in my sleep.."
you may not be mine
but you're all i see
you'll be gone before i say goodbye
hiding in the night
like you were one with it
like you were one with me once
once..
you may not be mine,
but you're all i see..

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

1 posted 2004-09-22 12:11 PM

poignant and heart felt - the emotion comes across as raw and deep -

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

DavePage
Member Elite

since 2003-12-21

Posts 2917

2 posted 2004-09-22 04:31 PM

This should have more than one write.

It is quality, it is intense, it is talented.

My reply

Dave

Please dont breath
Please dont groan
Please dont say
Anything
You own
To copyright emotion
In a legal sense
Let me smell the air
And it makes no sense

Money is there
Not a lot of mint
To melt
Your eyes
Closed
In my mind
Of my words
Of my morning's dreams
As fear of
What I lose
Rams home
I moment
That I wont forget
But something
I wont desert

For a love
I once knew
That faded
To an existance
Because I dreamed life would be
Something that wrapped
Around me

Now I have a choice
Do I have the guts
To divorce

Dave

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-09-22 07:19 PM

*understanding this too well*

exhale
Senior Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 646
Alberta,Canada

4 posted 2004-09-24 08:15 PM

dave that was incredible,and i love you for taking the time to do this,i loved it lol,not many people relpy to my poetry like this

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