untitled let me kno what u think

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Open Poetry #33

untitled let me kno what u think

CrAzI_bAbI_cHiKa
Member

since 2003-07-16

Posts 248

0 posted 2004-09-11 11:50 PM

sometimes everything seems so dark that even the sun is black.
and sometimes i feel that every smile changes behind my back.
there are things that doubt i will ever be able to explain
like how to fly and why we die and how to stop the pain
i dont look back upon my dreams, or try to find my inner soul
and ive come to realize theres things i cant control
it seems that there is hate and anger no matter where i turn
and yet i feel nothing, no fear and no concern
_im not done yet...but i want feedback...THANX

_keR

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

1 posted 2004-09-11 11:53 PM

you're off to a good introspective start here, and other than that, I haven't much feedback
enjoyed the read

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

2 posted 2004-09-12 09:33 AM

Ker,
You are fashioning a quilt of introspection.
Place the stitching in the pattern of your thoughts, and be sure to stand back and admire your art. We all do.
TD

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

3 posted 2004-09-12 12:17 PM

I think the emotion and the descriptions are great - as I read, the sound of the rhythm seems to need a wee bit of work on a couple of lines, but over all this is shaping up well.

Susan

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