Presence (duet with Edder)

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suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

0 posted 2004-09-08 02:14 PM

Presence





Memory melts miles

to trace curves

       and lines

of a face

        beloved

You

    with

          me-

a promise

         etched

in  quivered touch

   lingering

to soothe the ache

of wistful wind

Whisper

my desolation

       into

assurance

I am not alone

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

1 posted 2004-09-08 02:14 PM

Ed grabs first position and then goes back to edit in his comment........

....which is, that this is beautiful stuff. I wouldn't have dared try to blend in such a sparse format, where every word is in the spotlight -- but you two did it perfectly!

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

2 posted 2004-09-08 02:16 PM

Very well done!
====================
to soothe the ache

of wistful wind
Whisper
my desolation

into

assurance
I am not alone

===================

Enjoyed this especially.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

3 posted 2004-09-08 02:19 PM

My Gawd this is SO beautiful!!
Brava!!
~Hugs to you both~

~ Summer can't be over...
I still have the sand in my shoes. ~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

4 posted 2004-09-08 02:41 PM

suthern
Agree with ratleader on this one. Enjoyed

sim0riah
Member

since 2004-09-07

Posts 253
Wyoming USA

5 posted 2004-09-08 04:33 PM

Very very nice!!

sim0riah

Only at night you can see the depth of the sun

Sim0riah

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

6 posted 2004-09-08 04:35 PM

Oh this is outstanding you two!!

to both of you!

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2004-09-08 04:36 PM

Naughty Ed...grabbing positions...

but let me echo his sentiments.
Wonderful work here.

Edder
Senior Member

since 2003-04-02

Posts 671

8 posted 2004-09-09 01:23 AM

I've admired Suthern's poetry from my first day at PIP, it was a pleasure to finally write with her. I'm glad you all enjoyed. Thank you, Ruth, for putting up with me.

Snow

Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 1170
desert flower looking for rain

9 posted 2004-09-09 01:45 AM

outstanding !!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

10 posted 2004-09-09 03:02 AM

how beautiful this is

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

11 posted 2004-09-09 07:38 AM

tremendously vivid and gripping, leads the reader into an understanding of your needs, most profound and honest...deliberate writing, very well done...

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

12 posted 2004-09-09 10:06 AM

Wow! Beautifully done. Lovely poem.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

13 posted 2004-09-09 10:09 AM

Very beautiful writing sweet Suthern Lady and Edder.
Ya'll did good together.
Hugs,
Ethel

miscellanea
Member Elite

since 2004-06-24

Posts 4060
OH

14 posted 2004-09-09 10:17 AM

I read this last night and thought I had responded, but apparently was interrupted. I'm sure glad it came to the top again because I would be remiss if I didn't tell you how beautiful I thought this is!
miscellanea

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

15 posted 2004-09-09 11:09 AM

very beautiful....a great duet!

I don’t want the world to see me
cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

Robert Frazier
Senior Member

since 2003-02-06

Posts 1014

16 posted 2004-09-09 11:50 AM

a kiss that becomes "assurance"...
now that's one to hope for!

Rf

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

17 posted 2004-09-09 12:22 PM

enjoyed

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

18 posted 2004-09-09 01:44 PM

Ratleader: I am delighted, my friend... that you chose to honor us so touches me deeply. *S* Thank you so very much! *S*

GS & Enchantress: Thank you so much, kind ladies! *S* It was truly a pleasure to write with Edder... he sprinkles magic on words. *S*

Seymour: Thank you, dear friend... so very much!! *S*

sim0riah: Thank you very much - and welcome to Passions! *S*

Susan: I give Edder full credit for this turning out so well... but that doesn't mean I'm not glowing at its reception... Thank you! *S*

Sunshine: Not naughty... highly appropriate! LOL After all... without RL's encouragement, my free verse would probably still be hiding in the "poem wannabee" scrapbox! LOL Thank you so much, kind lady... I'm glad you like! *S*

Edder: Putting up with you??? *S* HA!!! *S* The pleasure of weaving words with you was exceeded only by the joy of knowing I've made a friend. *S* Your gentle edits turned my mundane words into ones worthy of your escort... and I greatly enjoyed the dance. *S* Thank you so much!!

Snow & PS: Thank you so very much!!

LeeJ: It was an incredible experience to write with Ed... Thank you very much for liking our efforts! *S*

Pilgrimage & garysgirl: Thank you, dear friends... I'm so glad you liked it! *S*

miscellanea: Knowing someone has stopped by for a second read is an honor... Thank you so very much! *S*

Greeneyes & vandana: Thank you both so very much! *S*

Robert: You betcha... yes!!! *S* Thank you!! *S*

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

19 posted 2004-09-09 08:10 PM

With this,  you have taken a mere seedling
and grown a mighty tree.  Yeah,  I think
that is what I was saying.  In other words,
ya both dun really peachy!  Nice write.

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

20 posted 2004-09-10 12:16 PM

well its you I usually ditto, but my ditto could never compare to this write, and ed seemed to have gotten it perfect, sparse but each word is spotlighted to perfection.....so can I ditto ed and add my applause? *s*

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

21 posted 2004-09-15 04:36 PM

Magnus: It was truly a pleasure to write with Edder. *S* Thank you very much! *S*

jellybeans: You know quite well you can do no wrong in my eyes, dear friend... and I know how much you love to ditto... so what can I say but YES! LOL Thank you! *S*

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