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Open Poetry #33
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Variations in Shades of Pretend
| Open Poetry #33 |
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Variations in Shades of Pretend |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving 
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There’s something pretty about fallen pigtails and knees buckled from laughing. With voice of ribbons trailing tickling the wind, red lips biting at the pretend, an intimate friend of less serious affairs. Though decades of practice have left her dress a mess, "Nothing that can’t be smoothed over" she says And with a wave of hand any game can be played again. This time it’s bound to be fun ~Run girly, run~ before this moment catches on and the pink leaks into grey… "No thanks, not today” |
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| © Copyright 2004 Dawn van Krieken-Smith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
What an interesting reminiscing write. I saw ribboned pigtails flying in the wind. Nice imagery! |
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choshi Senior Member
since 2004-01-01
Posts 1184New York |
Nice, Your voice is so relaxed and natural here.....a pleasure to read and to follow the images and feelings you evoke so well....~P |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
I feel like I just watched a little girl growing up when reading this. And it makes me want to go put pigtails in and find my old friends to play a game of hide and seek. It's sad that we all seem to hide so well from smiles and youth... and innocence. This is a keeper, Love it! Always, Alyssa Poems are made by fools like me, |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
muted Lol nothing muted about this write. Enjoyed |
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Goldenrose Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665 |
Ah.... nostalgia...thank you.. GR. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I don't know what your muse has done to bless your mind to heart to hand... but I hope he or she never quits. Every poem you've written lately, has become their own keepers of time. |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
This makes me remember childhood with great fondness. Fortunately, I've girlfriends who still wear ribbons and crumpled dresses and love to laugh and be silly, and what fun we have. Your words weave magic. Your talent shines.  SusanHappiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind. |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
dear muted, this was a great poem, and I so feel where you are coming from.  ....jo |
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msflame Member
since 2002-05-21
Posts 188 |
With voice of ribbons trailing tickling the wind," a lovely poem. So enjoyed, especially the above line. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Dawn, Oh to be eight again . . . *smile* |
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Kristabell Senior Member
since 2003-11-29
Posts 678Portland, OR |
Very well written. I say, "Do not grow up until you have to." Do we ever have to? Great poem |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
loved the imagery in this one...to second someone else above, there's nothing muted about this piece |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
On the face of it...I see, not so much fallen pigtails, as a fallen angel. And a wish for the return of....simpler times. The pretense of a return to innocence At the ending a rejection of those justifications. Damned fine writing! |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
hmmm.. I'm with Ed on this.. fallen angle who is not sure she wants to even think about the pain..of innocence lost.. no matter... it reeads well and as usual.. I'm impressed. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Your writing is getting so intense and interesting yanno? Having played this game of life for so long and finally letting down my pigtails, this poem has become a keeper to me in my library, for it went straight to a place in me I know all too well. |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
i decided to pop in and make a comment...and i do truly appreciate all of you who read and responded... but you last 3, are hitting closer to whats going on in the poem. and its lovely mysteria, that you kept this in your library..thank you for finding the layers. thanks to all of you |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
(chuckling)... one doesn't always tell everything they know or read.... |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Hmm can't believe I've missed this one m'muted friend  I read it a few times and each time got a different interpretation. A very interesting write. As always it's a pleasure to read you Mxx The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change. |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
Cpat: oh i know! *nodding*..sometimes its better to leave things unsaid...just incase yer wrong LMAO....but i know some people saw deeper and those who didnt, its so nice that they still found some joy reading this  |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Take good care of this girly... Exceptional write. TD |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Dawn~ I found a hushed whisper in this one~ You express painful pretend in a fashion that leaves me wanting to hold and comfort ~Girly~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I felt what Marge did...but then we probably add our own experiences to what we read... you are writing very well... hug M |
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~K~ Member
since 2004-07-27
Posts 148 |
With voice of ribbons trailing tickling the wind, red lips biting at the pretend So, needless to say, you are still impressing me. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice writing...James |
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