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LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

0 posted 2004-08-26 06:52 AM

I shall not wager a rub of spice
Routine brings secure oiled comas
Joining us to chewing protocols
Approved steps of footfalls

Shuffling black mischief writings
Of indistinctive jealous Vikings
Shy extensions of each other
Exchanging thickened milk at the door

Where the mind is asked to tithe
Thin flames and old embers gripe
Like a wrinkled woman by circumstance
Banished from the witch hunts

I felt the channeled energy
Atom droplets feeling edgy
When I least expected
A different vision kissed my forehead

A core fusion with fortitude
Leaning heavily toward an infinite frontier
Not dancing on my reflection
But with and like a slogan

You just live in this thing of fashion
A psyche of suspected intentions
Trip-dancing anaesthetized habits
Under a mask of deacon puppets

Timelessly entranced in a paradigm
Of self molding peripheral debris
By guided choice of mouthpieces
Working out apologies self-perceived

Who grimace and hide from
Mankind’s absolution, with fear
Self-bequeathed
And the naughty child
Who so humbly needs

but is afraid to ask

[This message has been edited by LeeJ (08-26-2004 09:01 AM).]

MGROVES

Member Elite

since 2004-02-01

Posts 3802
california

1 posted 2004-08-26 07:05 AM

wow. i just love your writings

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

2 posted 2004-08-26 10:17 AM

quote:
Timelessly entranced in a paradigm
Of self molding peripheral debris
By guided choice of mouthpieces
Working out apologies self-perceived

Brilliantly written, Lee. I'll be keeping this, as it echos much of my own POV.

msflame
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 188

3 posted 2004-08-26 12:12 PM

Your poem is powerful and most effective. I have a nit and use it if you feel it would be beneficial. I'm going to suggest that last line not be broken off for emphasis, instead tied in more with the poem. This is just something I've noticed seems more effective. Your syntax is admirable and so well done. That keeps the reader interested for quite some time. Thanks for the read.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2004-08-26 12:54 PM

dang...

outstanding!

Ericc
Member Elite

since 2003-01-31

Posts 4178

5 posted 2004-08-26 02:34 PM

Very powerful!

Eric

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

6 posted 2004-08-26 07:27 PM

Who so humbly needs

but is afraid to ask

Thank you for sharing - You are eloquent, and a very special lady

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

7 posted 2004-08-26 07:35 PM

Enjoyed your perspective and points. Loved the last two lines.

Susan

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

8 posted 2004-08-26 07:38 PM

LeeJ

"And the naughty child
Who so humbly needs

but is afraid to ask"

I just love the way you think, and write!

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