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Open Poetry #33
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burma shave
| Open Poetry #33 |
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burma shave |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Just a conversational bit of fluff I do concede filing the rough edge of trust trying to suppress the bleed of the truth between the lines somehow you "get it" every time so I crack another joke and put the taps back on my feet dancing much too frantically to ever claim this art or grace. Pancake make-up on my face splintered as a beckoning "come and see the all of me" as though my tears were Burma shave billboards advertising, placed calculating miles of me trying to entice the lace of your turning off the road adding me to your "must-see" Come I plead for witnessing of the shedding of my skin. * * * Just a conversational bit of fluff I do concede filing the rough edge of trust trying to suppress the bleed of the truth between the lines somehow you "get it" every time so I crack another joke and put the taps back on my feet dancing much too frantically to ever claim this art or grace. Maybe I am better scribed as the largest ball of twine one long thread in knots of need and balled into a yearning greed... notice me, oh notice me ignore me while I slip my sips of my what's too obvious smelting egocentricy fighting "get a life" and greed wondering which trip is me staking open claim to all. grifting with a jab and duck calling it a game of must laughing at my drama, thus as bound by this, a trust of we by the overkill I crave orchestrated this, myself succulence and heaving musk (take the sequins off the gloves) clap snap happy audience * * * Last Chance now to get some gas lest I find myself alone stranded with an empty tank miles from everything I've known and yet I still get off on that... loving this is where you laugh I wish I were a telegraph dot-dot-dashing every need. Pancake make-up on my face splintered as a beckoning "come and see the all of me" as though my tears were Burma shave billboards advertising, placed calculating miles of me trying to entice the grace of your turning off the stay adding me to your "must-see" and deem me not too commonplace. Come I plead for witnessing of the shedding of my skin... Come I whisper you my need of omissions of my sin... signs and omens dictate dread that you might read me as dead lump me into piles of red of those who cut themselves and bleed craving your complicity recognize the new of me take the left uncommonly greeting options you defeat by glancing at that watch of dread dictating a discipline of a road trip planned ahead the pins in map as shrugs of death mocking all my serious gulping my own need instead somewhere in the place of rhyme-- maybe I am better scribed as the largest ball of twine... |
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| © Copyright 2004 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Honeybunch Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115South Africa |
Amazing - wonderfully amazing! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
With signs like this along the road you'd slow the driver save some toads a flattened morning, for just to view this intricacy of words so true. Sometimes you just blow me away. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
An impressive read! Love, Margherita |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
serenity, We are all a ball of twine and it takes us just so long to unravel.  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Maybe I am better scribed as the largest ball of twine one long thread in knots of need and balled into a yearning greed... notice me, oh notice me ignore me while I slip my sips of my what's too obvious smelting egocentricy fighting "get a life" and greed wondering which trip is me staking open claim to all. grifting with a jab and duck calling it a game of must laughing at my drama, thus as bound by this, a trust of we by the overkill I crave orchestrated this, myself succulence and heaving musk (take the sequins off the gloves) clap snap happy audience =========================== damn ... *** dancing much too frantically to ever claim this art or grace. (you dance divine in rhyme me sweet Sen) |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
this moves me to pity, for the words drip with the want of the lost. Susan Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
serenity Oh gosh...how I remember the burma shave signs on my little girl road. You have made me remember my dad (that's a good thing). This poem screams and wilts and screams again...and makes me want to shake you and hug you...I think I'll hug you.  |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
again...at the end of this...I sit here not knowing what to say damn |
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Greeneyes  
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Oh wow....this is an amazing write karen! I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone though you're still with me |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Serenity, Excellence in showing that desire. I understand this very well. A keeper, indeedy. miscellanea |
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muted
since 2004-01-15
Posts 2949Elapsing, Eclipsing, Evolving |
*blink blink* damn *blink* WOW damn |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Definitely a WOW! You just blow me off the map, sometimes, Karen! ....jo |
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icebox Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383in the shadows |
Oh may your feats not fail you now. *smile* |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
One of your best, in my book, lady.  P.I.P right down the line Last chance for a ball of twine - Burma Shave |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
M'lady? You always blow me away, each time more and more.  keeping this. Mxx The clouds never expect it when it rains, but the sea, changes colour, but the sea, does not change. |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
"notice me, oh notice me ignore me while I slip my sips of my what's too obvious smelting egocentricy fighting "get a life" and greed wondering which trip is me staking open claim to all. grifting with a jab and duck calling it a game of must laughing at my drama, thus as bound by this, a trust of we by the overkill I crave orchestrated this, myself succulence and heaving musk (take the sequins off the gloves) clap snap happy audience" Gonna have to agree with Michael, one of your best K...  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Sometimes I just don't know how to thank you all properly--you're all so kind and generous to me with your unceasing encouragement. Thanks for reading? Sheesh. Thanks for being. Ya'll are wonderful. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Gee, a "you're welcome" will pop this right back to the top...  HA! |
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elfine Junior Member
since 2004-06-08
Posts 35traveling |
couldn't help "noticing." Wow. Again. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Karen, wondering which trip is me staking open claim to all. perhaps THE most enlightening line I have thus read . . . as always, forcing me to look inside myself, as well . . . (I despise doing that sheeesh stop it, will ya? *grin*) |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Kari? smile...ty elfine, I'm so flattered by your kind attention and Susie? you managed to get to the heart of it and just for you, I'll explain my one way highway metaphor--er just a bit. I was thinking of travel as my ultimate metaphor, with the highway a vision. As you know I think of this beyond just the tactile, as I have explained previously that I believe in a spiritual basis for split energies. (active/receptive, aleph-bayet, masculine, receptive--remember?) The title signifies the idea that distractions as well as self-advertisement can complicate the ultimate "roadtrip", but often in retrospect, it's the side trips that were most memorable. And the Cap already knows, but the use of repetition was purely a structural thang, I was trying to portray that thump thump rhythmic highway feel, that is sometimes a comfort and sometimes merely maddening repetition. (Remember road trips as a kid--and the difference of the side roads often woke us as we pulled off to rest areas, etc.?) Woke us.  The lines you quoted imply duplicity, and yet I maintain a simply necessity of what might first appear to be a duality, when in actuality it's as natural as day and night. The following acknowledges ultimate responsibility to myself, as the pilot of my own vehicle: "orchestrated this, myself succulence and heaving musk" with THIS as a nod to the baring of the soul, outside of the influence of the need of approval: (take the sequins off the gloves) Smile. That is an allusion to a musical that I can't precisely recall, wherein a director was called in to fix a play that debuted poorly--he screamed, "Take the sequins off the gloves!" in response to a glitzy number, and miraculously, it 'worked' after the unnecessary distractions were removed, leaving the white gloved hands (purity) to better please the audience: "clap snap happy audience" (somewhere in my memory, I think it was a Ben Vereen number, called "Clap Hands". If anybody remembers where it's from, that would make me happy too. And in summation, I wasn't too happy with this poem, so I'm surprised at the response here. I just keep wanting to remove the sparkles, m'self. Thanks Sue, and all, for reading. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Sometimes we are all that ball of twine, but sometimes we're also Mt. Rushmore Great write |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Oh, thank YOU Karen . . . this was indeed a beauty and I am so happy you further explained more lines . . . (blowing my mind actually) you are brilliant and you're welcome Sue |
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