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Dark Poetry #1
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SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396


0 posted 2000-06-06 08:36 PM


Try

doors closed
tightly locked
bolted
protecting her
keeping evil at bay
secret songs
deafly play
drowning evil's hate
purple tears
slip
slide out
fear behind
the eyes
behind the door
the lock
the evil
screams escape
terrified lungs
throat dry
burning
trying
lights dying
dark beyond
the music
beyond the dream
the evil
behind the door
fighting
eager to win
eager to gain
to lessen her
to overpower
to control
to teach
to invade
to steal
and mame
and hack and swallow
and taste and hate
and leave to cry
to wonder
to guilt
to deserve
to brake
to fall
to try
to be
her
before
the evil entered.


© Copyright 2000 SpitFire - All Rights Reserved
Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
1 posted 2000-06-06 11:01 PM


Spit Fire,

Great poem, my friend!!  I love the format you used......perfect for this!!!     
Evil should always be kept at bay...

LW


 Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end.
--Michael W. Smith

kynder
Senior Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 537
Tallahassee, Florida
2 posted 2000-06-06 11:14 PM


so vivid and real.  thank you.  you help me try once again.  


kynder

  The years teach much which the days never know. Ralph Waldo Emerson

lotharingia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897
saarbruecken, Germany
3 posted 2000-06-07 04:22 AM


This is really oppressive. As Spitfire said, the shape of the poem already conveys this. Love it.

 Uta Lotharingia
"Wir wollen nicht Wert und Sinn ... wir wollen Unwert und Unsinn"
Raoul Hausmann

SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

4 posted 2000-06-07 07:05 PM


~LW,...thanks for reading friend. .  Yeah, it should be and I try.  Take care.

~Kynder,...thank you for taking the time...and for the words. I appreciate it.  Take care.

~Lotharingia,...oppressive,..yeah..I know...sheesh.  Thank you for reading and repyling.....and for ???loving it.  Thanks.

*Peace.

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
5 posted 2000-06-07 11:56 PM


The picture the format shows answers and fixes all doesn't it?  Great and interesting stuff her hon, well worth whatever effort and time you put into it!!  

 I'll tell you this...... No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn.....
~Isis~
(Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit)



SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

6 posted 2000-06-08 01:45 AM


~Hey Isis,...thanks for responding.  This one actually just fell out of my mouth...like throwing up my thoughts...ya?  The format just happened too...stange it made a pic....oh well. cool. Thanks for reading and taking the time. *Peace.
Jeffyf
Junior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 49
Muncie, IN
7 posted 2000-06-08 05:50 AM


Short phrases, short words, it all makes sense.  I see this as saying we have to make many attempts and try every time.  It doesn't matter how hard we try, so long as it's our hardest.  I think it's great.  Tell me if this is totally different from what you saw it as.  Wonderful job, spit.
Jeffrey

SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

8 posted 2000-06-08 10:18 PM


~Jeffrey,...thank you so much for reading.  But before I tell the story of this I'd like to wait for Joel to read...I have faith he's not ignoring this...but merely out of town...so to speak. Hehe. Anyway,...yeah...a constant trying. Thanks again friend...for taking the time to read. . *Peace.
EagleOne
Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829
Between a laugh and a tear...
9 posted 2000-06-09 05:04 AM


I thought I had replied to this one last night but it seems to be missing, ah well! here we go again!

This one brings forth feelings of uneasyness and apprehension. Interesting indeed! Love the format too!.

 God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Unknown



brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
10 posted 2000-06-10 07:16 AM


Phew....left breathless from this one.

Though glad I read it. The format is excellent it reads very well. Glad there were no commas.

Excellent poem.



 ------------------------
"I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else"-Richey Edwards

"Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time".

Baltimore Grotto

"Libraries gave us power
Then work came and made us free
What price now for a shallow piece of dignity"
Nicky Wire, A design for Life.

manic street preachers
"Rock 'n' roll is our epiphany
Culture, alienation, boredom and despair"

"To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

E.E Cummings.



Joel the wolf
Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 1333
Angels Camp
11 posted 2000-06-11 03:26 PM


Sounds like you have a great big beast hidden somewhere, not one I'd want to mess with, To keep it at bay, you must keep trying, in whatever you do. keep a chain on it, or it might get the best of you. But sometimes you can use it to do things inside. know what I mean.
ues the power it posses to do good within not let it use you, in the trying you can overcome.
love you kid.

Joel

 I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel.

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