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Dark Poetry #1
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Blessed by the void....
| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Blessed by the void.... |
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The Jackal Member
since 1999-08-13
Posts 426Springfield, Massachusetts U.S.A |
i guess..ill sleep on it decide in the morning what to do with the rest of my life all the speeding cars.. in dreams they seem to laugh and stare at me walking.. almost everywhere its good to be me i must admit a coward wanting to be a shadow ill just add it up with all the rest of the regrets...what makes any of it really matter the last thing i hear them say of me how did the boy turn out that way then off go my lights i breathe through the noise lost in the traffic blessed by the void... "you can have my isolation..you can have the hate that it brings you can have my absence of faith..you can have my everything" "so impressed with all you do..tried so hard to be like you..flew too high and burnt the wing..lost my faith in everything" "I am too connected to you to Slip away, to fade away. Days away I still feel you Touching me, changing me, And considerately killing me." The Jackal |
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| © Copyright 2000 John Dixon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
This poem is so disturbing. I want to go out and find this boy and work on boosting his self esteem (the small "i" and the self descriptions...so telling...this person is aching inside): "its good to be me i must admit a coward wanting to be a shadow" These words: "then off go my lights i breathe through the noise lost in the traffic blessed by the void..." Are you saying that the boy in this poem escapes from all of the disdain, rejection, by sleeping? I know someone who uses sleep to escape. He hardly ever gets out of his bed - just long enough to light a joint and slip away again into his own form of oblivion. He lost everything he once loved. I hope this boy doesn't miss out on all the things he has yet to gain. I hope he finds a way to search for the good things, to quit looking at himself through the eyes of others. This is a powerful piece of writing. If the author IS this boy, then this talent is the first thing he should focus on. |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
This peom recalls to me someone who's wanted to be something but has given up. Someone who's accepted a fate of being "no one" going unnoticed. Someone who's lost among the nameless. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
its good to be me i must admit a coward wanting to be a shadow ill just add it up with all the rest of the regrets...what makes any of it really matter the last thing i hear them say of me how did the boy turn out that way then off go my lights i breathe through the noise lost in the traffic blessed by the void... --------------- hey Jac, this is very honest emotional piece... well written with an understated loss. the last line is perfect...as is this one>> "ill just add it up with all the rest of the regrets...what makes any of it really matter" do you see the emotion it evokes in the replies... thats what makes it matter... keep writing and sharing it fills up the void take care cool-poet jm I think I could need - this in my life I think I'm just scared - that I know too much I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling ... If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home There's an awful lot of breathing room But I can hardly move If you're gone - baby you need to come home cuz there's a little bit of something me... In everything in you. ~MB20~ "What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly" ~Lao Tze Tao~ ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Geez...what I have to say seems so petty compared to what the other replies have been. But really all I'm doing right now is thinking on it and agreeing with what they've said so far. It was a very emotional piece very well expressed...it's the little things that should spark something in you...it doesn't have to be anything big or to anyone grand. You'll never know what you may find along the way...you just have to keep your eyes open... Angel< !signature--> Listen to your heart for it knows the way even when you don't. ~*Angel of Darkness*~ [This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 06-05-2000).] |
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Joel the wolf Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 1333Angels Camp |
As a child I slept away life, I had no choice. But now I do. A very interesting poem my friend. Joel. I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel. |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Jackal, wonderful work reminded me of the car movie 'Christine'. Interesting Stephen Kingish twist to this piece, loved it hon  I'll tell you this...... No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn..... ~Isis~ (Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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