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StarrGazer
Senior Member

since 2000-03-05

Posts 679
Texas

0 posted 2000-03-06 12:06 PM

He builds his granite dream
A wall of obsessive depression
A fortress around a soul
That has once been broken
He watched his father die
When he was nine years old
And now, no matter  what the weather
All he feels is cold
He keeps looking for the  button
To make him fade away
To take away the complusions
That grow stronger day by day
There are things he cannot eat
And things he cannot touch
He wants a way out
Life just hurts too much
To end things  would mean freedom
From all this burning pain
That seems to eat him alive
And consume his brain
To slowly fade away into peaceful oblivion
Drifting into eternity where the pain is all gone

~*Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear*~

Jannel
Member

since 2000-01-18

Posts 492
Muncie, IN, USA

1 posted 2000-03-06 02:11 PM

very nice first post. especially liked the button to take away the compulsions. i often wish life was as easy as pressing buttons.

jannel

"I'm just saying
that we've mistaken one
for thousands of words,
and for that mistake
I've caused you such pain
that I damn that word."
-10000 Maniacs "Jezebel"

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

2 posted 2000-03-06 02:14 PM

Well, I don't think ending things is ever really an answer. It's probably moreso a way to carry all that pain with you for an eternity. Still, I can relate to the pains in life being so overwhelming at times there seems to be no clear answer. Your poem reveals such to me. I hope this truly is not the demeanor you carry but I can certainly relate if it is. If you ever wish to talk, please feel free to email me.

Michael

StarrGazer
Senior Member

since 2000-03-05

Posts 679
Texas

3 posted 2000-03-06 04:40 PM

Jannel, Michael thank you for the comments on my poem. And Michael thanks for you offer of a person to talk to, fortunately and unfortunately the poem was written about a guy I had gotten to know really well and in talking to him I guess I learned the depression perspective pretty well. Thanks again for your comments !!

~*Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear*~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

4 posted 2000-03-06 04:44 PM

welcome to Passions... your writing and imagery are powerful in this poem...
very well written...sad and moving.
take care, janet marie

...every moment of every day...
your still with me in every way.
every poem and song...
every rhyme and verse...
your still here...like a beautiful curse.
janet marie

PoeticKnight
Senior Member

since 2000-01-20

Posts 1144
New Orleans, LA

5 posted 2000-03-06 05:06 PM

Very well written indeed. I liked this and i cant wait to read more from you.
I like your style of writing, keep it up.

sonjes
Senior Member

since 2000-02-18

Posts 564
North Carolina

6 posted 2000-03-06 06:55 PM

Welcome to Passions, StarrGazer, and what an entrance you have made. I will save the depression spiel as I see your reply. Good insight though to others' pain. Will be waiting for more...

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.
-Enigma

devinmaria
Member

since 2000-02-14

Posts 130
Middletown, Ohio

7 posted 2000-03-06 09:37 PM

great opener. i really like your style and i am really looking forward to reading more posts from you.

aimee

Trust I seek and I find in you. Everyday for us something new. Open mind for a different view, and nothing else matters. --Metallica

StarrGazer
Senior Member

since 2000-03-05

Posts 679
Texas

8 posted 2000-03-07 11:07 AM

Thank You all for such a warm welcome

faith
Member

since 2000-01-31

Posts 89

9 posted 2000-03-07 11:40 AM

That really was an intriguing first post!faith

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

10 posted 2000-04-05 05:21 AM

This is a very well written poem. James

Joel the wolf
Senior Member

since 2000-04-06

Posts 1333
Angels Camp

11 posted 2000-04-09 05:16 PM

"He builds his granite dream
A wall of obsessive depression
A fortress around a soul
That has once been broken"

I may have taken this out of context? but the word’s are powerful
and I felt them sink in deep, to close to home for me.
Very powerful
Joel.

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