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Dark Poetry #1

Society's Pollution

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

0 posted 1999-09-19 12:59 PM

Can't you read between the lines?
Or are you all too busy struggling in the plastic six-pack nooses?
The spilled oil greases their hands
But the ozone umbrella of security
that used to block the dangerous UV rays
of truth
is disintegrating as pollutants are
pumped into our minds
Soon enough the euphoria of blindness will fade
As we see through the drugs
In the bloodstream of the world
And if people ever come around,
If we al just use just a little more
of the intelligence we're born with
Maybe
Just maybe
We can be happy

jfkinyon
Junior Member

since 1999-09-18

Posts 34
Burbank, CA. USA

1 posted 1999-09-19 01:21 PM

Are you looking for C & C (comments & criticism)? Not sure how critiques go over in this place - I'm new here.

I think the poem is good and the idea is great! If you're into rewriting... you could take this to the next level = perfection.

---------------

J. F. Kinyon

JennyLee
Senior Member

since 1999-09-01

Posts 1461
Northwestern, NJ.

2 posted 1999-09-19 03:30 PM

Soon enough the euphoria of blindness
will fade...this is a very powerful statement.
As we humans are always looking at things
and not really seeing how it really is...thanks for sharing!

------------------
Helewes

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

3 posted 1999-09-21 07:21 AM

Well this certainly merits a reply, Sys
I thought is was great. Nice imagery.

Michael

Deep Blue Me
Member

since 1999-11-04

Posts 396
By a big lake

4 posted 1999-11-05 04:11 PM

I'll oblige.
Sys you're dead nuts on.
From an ex-six pack struggler you are too right.

DB

Watcher666
Senior Member

since 1999-10-13

Posts 1606

5 posted 1999-11-06 04:20 AM

Nicely done!

------------------
Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you.

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