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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Dark Poetry #1 |
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Violated (this is not a rape story poem) |
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OBLIVION Junior Member
since 1999-10-04
Posts 21 |
I feel quelled tears ripping at me Starting with nimble fingers In the depths of my stomach And clawing anxiously outward. Imagine all it took was one careless tone Unknown to the speaker But nonetheless bludgeoning my wavering spirit. With every catch of breath I fight a mighty cascade of my own fluids As they wreak their havoc On the way to visit the corners Of my tightly clenched eyes. I have forbidden myself it seems Living in daily fear that if cry I should Then I will be lost in tumultuously churning Waters of a broken will And unmendable spirit. But now as I sit here bent to their will Feeling their grip tighten So that every inch of my body is choked I am slipping away. They are washing gulleys in me Like the rain does to the hills Of red clay dirt during a Mississippi storm. If there was ever a time to be broken, Why did it have to be now When my facade of holding myself together Is best penetrated? Now I must race with words To release the toxins That sadness has drowned me in tonight. The peace and solice found In my reverence for the night Has now maliciously been obliterated. The thread I was hanging by, Has snapped and I am a hapless heap Upon the floor. |
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| © Copyright 2000 OBLIVION - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
My God such emotion, I feel your pain and sorrow, it's depressing me too!! Well done my friend. Hope after your writing this you feel better now?? ((HUGS))  Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely. ~Isis~ (Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
free verse isnt zactly my expertise but yuh i like this verse tiz flows well and makes since (tiz importante when its lil ole me readin free verse that it makes since!!) o yuh and i dig the metaphor!! [This message has been edited by wayoutwalt (edited 01-13-2000).] |
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Bojopy Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 391 |
I don't know why everyone says free verse. What does that actually mean? When someone writes anything isnt that free!!! The writing here was well taken and can be put in many situations in life. I related it to a friend telling me somthing I already know. It hurts so much that I let them free from ever telling me somthing 'they' think will help me. A great read thanks for sharing "Write down what you say if what you say is not written down" (Bojopy) |
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dreemr Junior Member
since 2000-01-10
Posts 34Covington, LA, USA |
WOW...very vivid picture of fragility painted here..great work. |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Well, I doubt anyone could be an expert in critiquing free verse, as the style defies classical techniques. That being said, OBLIVION, this is one powerful poem. The depth of the depressive angst rails and shouts to the dark infinite, "You might have won this battle, but you will NEVER win the war!!" Alicat |
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Bronx Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 84Oviedo, Florida, U.S. |
WOW- I loved it a lot. Words fail me! Poetically yours Bronx Be careful! It's a jungle out there! |
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AVANTI Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 664INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE |
It was painfully ...beautiful... i was in a trance at the end of it the theread i was hanging by has snapped ...and i am a hapless heap...upon the floor still to come out of it Avanti you don't have to understand completely..to love completely... remember even the darkest night has a morning to meet...you'll understand someday..Avanti Rao |
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danni Senior Member
since 1999-11-20
Posts 688wisconsin |
powerful and so deeply felt and related to. very well done! Something has to change. An undeniable dilemma. But I am not a burden anyone should bear. -Tool- |
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