Prison (Vintage 1983) - pipTalk Forums

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Dark Poetry #1

Prison (Vintage 1983)

HM3
Member

since 1999-07-15

Posts 169
TX

0 posted 1999-12-29 04:42 PM

I live in my prison that I have built just for me
The walls are very tall, it's hard for me to see
There are people on the outside, I don't know their names
But I can hear them laughing, talking and playing games
It's lonely in my prison so sometimes I want out
But the people are too noisy, they don't hear my shouts

Work like money doesn't matter, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching...

jstevens
Junior Member

since 1999-12-29

Posts 11
austin,texas

1 posted 1999-12-29 04:54 PM

ggod poem except maybe in the last line i would change it to busy,instead of noisy...just a thought. keep em' coming.

HM3
Member

since 1999-07-15

Posts 169
TX

2 posted 1999-12-29 05:04 PM

I used noisy to go with "they don't hear my shouts"

Isis
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-06

Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

3 posted 1999-12-29 07:17 PM

Hey maybe they can't hear your shouts, cos you gotta get yourself out?? Theory?
Anyway, well done, awaiting more

At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. (Plato)
~Isis~
(Daughter of Mystery)

Songbird
Member Elite

since 1999-12-15

Posts 2184
Missouri

4 posted 1999-12-30 08:15 PM

I understand this very well, I too have built those walls many of times, and the builder usually is the one that has the clues on how to tear them down without landing under the rubble. I enjoy your writings very much.

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

5 posted 2000-01-02 06:19 PM

I must be in the cell next to you. Well done.

Michael

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