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Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2004-04-24 08:34 PM

Like cancer in the heart
your words consume life
and now all withers
before it inhales breath.

Swiftly striking ash
so fires anew,
just consuming depth
until all light fades

Lost in the darkness
the flame gives no light
collects all my fears
like morning dew drops

So overwelmed
Drownding in words

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2004-04-24 08:46 PM

It's "drowning;" I think you should correct that... spelling errors are understandable but they can be distracting when trying to enjoy a poem.

But, I do think you've got something here. I liked the progressive theme of death and rotting, especially how you capped it with an image of the dark consuming the image---nicely done.

Brian

http://www.livejournal.com/~new_formalism

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

2 posted 2004-04-24 09:20 PM

hehe thank you
Juju

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-21

Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

3 posted 2004-04-24 10:57 PM

I merely thought it poetic lie sense...

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2004-04-24 10:58 PM

Poetic lie sense a noise me.

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

5 posted 2004-04-25 12:35 PM

Huh?

I am confused.
I was talking about manipulation and lies. I used that theme to explain my repulsion and distaste. I am still baffled that I spelled drowning wrong.

Juju

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

6 posted 2004-04-25 02:04 PM

a good write...I understand

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

7 posted 2004-04-25 02:54 PM

Thank you

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

8 posted 2004-04-25 03:13 PM

Juju, I see now why you liked River of Heart -- climb. This was a tear jerker but so well written; I liked the anology of cancer.

and

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

9 posted 2004-04-25 04:02 PM

Thank you!
Illiana!\
Love Juju

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

10 posted 2004-04-25 04:11 PM

Hey, drownding sounds better, me thinks... anyway, a great job here Ju. Keep them coming!

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

11 posted 2004-04-25 06:20 PM

hahaha! you like the spelling errors don't you! just pulling your leg. thanx.

Juju

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