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Open Poetry #32
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'Growing Weaker'
| Open Poetry #32 |
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'Growing Weaker' |
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bashlovesemma Junior Member
since 2003-09-23
Posts 25 |
‘Growing Weaker’ I don’t think I can take this no more, The pain within me has started to take over me, Snapping and anger is ragging inside of me, I am growing weaker everyday, Each time we argue I am getting weaker, I just don’t think I can go on, no more, My past is coming back to haunt me, Causing all this friction between us, I feel I can’t take any more, I’m crumbling down inside, Even though I don’t show it, I am getting weaker as the days keep ending, I wish I could lose my past, And have a new beginning, Weaker as I’m getting, The sun is still setting, I wish the world could stop, I wish everyone would stop, I’m about to crumble, I’m dying inside, It feels I have no one to help me, No one, I feel I cannot speak, Like the world has trapped me, It’s like all I have is, to write my thoughts, ‘Im weak’ All I feel is the world and everyone in it, is against me, There’s things I needed to say, The world has taken my voice, I’m getting weaker, Feeling helpless as I lay here writing this, The words I want to say, The voice I needed yesterday, I feel so empty, like my soul has been taken, It’s like God has forsaken me, Set out to haunt me with this life I lead, I am so weak now, just about dead, Each punch I take, apart of me dies, Each evil look I get, makes me sigh, ‘What do I have to do, to make me right, in your eyes’ Am I (edited by moderator) ashamed of who I am, I’m me, and me only, I’m gaining strength, Only to be stuck down by a lightening blow, I’m dying; no one can save me, Not even, Me. [This message has been edited by garysgirl (04-23-2004 10:58 AM).] |
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Michelle_loves_Mike
since 2003-12-20
Posts 1189Pennsylvania |
A few words need to be fixed here and there,,to make them flow,, i.e. "I don’t think I can take this no more," while further along you say any more...."I feel I can’t take any more" Your message comes thru loud and clear,,,just a little editing to clean it up,,, Michelle I wish all could find the true happiness I have found,,in the eyes of Mike |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
good thoughts and feelings expressed, but needs format and structure...seems like you are just talking out loud here |
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Grover Senior Member
since 2004-01-27
Posts 1967London, ON, Canada |
The core message of the poem is very good. However, much is repetitive without adding anything. It really needs to be edited. That being said, this is a sad poem with which I can relate. Hope things go well for you. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your work. |
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