Last Words Heard (Response to Sunshine's Challenge)

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iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

0 posted 2004-06-20 03:06 AM

Response to Sunshine’s Challenge at /pip/Forum7/HTML/000618.html

Poem I

Somehow, even though I was tired
this lady spoke to me.
Her words, though only written,
were heard so very clearly.
They prodded me to get along,
inspired me with their Kansa song
to distribute something of myself,
leave some droppings on this shelf.

So I pulled a feather from my frock
and laid it on a scale, like Maat,
testing measure of my words
to see if they were fair and sure,
to see if courage owned my heart
to test the words that I impart.
I weighed them on the scale for her,
because she asked, because I heard.
* * * * * * * * *
Poem II

Heard words she said.
My mind is lead.
Tonight,
I bled
ink
red
on fine parchment
sheets.
Incomplete
sentences hung
on branches
of perception.
Just out of reach.
But so close.
On the tip
of my tongue,
they taste
like
salt.

wornways
Member

since 2001-10-18

Posts 204
CA, USA

1 posted 2004-06-20 03:31 AM

What strikes me about this piece is the dramatic difference in style between part I and part I. In part I, each line closes a fragment, a thought, in part II, two fragments, thoughts, are strung out over several lines. The juxtaposition of the two methods is kind of interesting.

As for "this lady". I noticed she's never actually quoted, just sort of responded, or better yet, reacted to.

-
I no longer ask who I am, or even what I am. It has dawned on me that there are no answers to such questions, except for our feeble-minded notions.

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

2 posted 2004-06-20 03:36 AM

Wornways -- thank you for your post. This was an impromtu response to a challenge by "this lady." Her challenge can be found in the link on the top of the poem. The word Kansa identifies her, and she will understand that the poem itself is the response to her prompting. I appreciate your taking the time to read and your kind comments.

....jo

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2004-06-20 04:35 AM

loved reading these!

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

4 posted 2004-06-20 04:39 AM

Thanks, Dix -- we're up late tonight, aren't we?

....jo

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

5 posted 2004-06-30 01:59 PM

testing measure of my words
to see if they were fair and sure,
to see if courage owned my heart
to test the words that I impart.

hmmm, this somehow reminds me of the serenity prayer. i guess it's because of the style in which it is written

I weighed them on the scale for her,
because she asked, because I heard.

a subtly touching tribute to friendship!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

6 posted 2004-06-30 02:07 PM

Jo, I was gone when you posted this. Lucky me it was bounced back up...

why didn't you send me a link? Hmmmm????

Funny, that I read this right after I post something akin....

ah well, that's a sis in law for you...

Susan
Member Ascendant

since 2004-03-27

Posts 5104
walking the surreal

7 posted 2004-06-30 03:00 PM

Heard words she said.
My mind is lead.
Tonight,
I bled
ink
red
on fine parchment
sheets.
Incomplete
sentences hung
on branches
of perception.
Just out of reach.
But so close.
On the tip
of my tongue,
they taste
like
salt.

Loved this, jo.

Happiness isn't something that happens to you, it's created from within you. Joy is a state of mind.

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

8 posted 2004-06-30 03:19 PM

Hiya Jo
Good jobber, very much enjoyed.

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

9 posted 2004-07-01 03:58 PM

i like how you did this and crafted it into fine poetry

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

10 posted 2004-07-01 04:45 PM

Thank you ALL so very much for the time to take to read and post! Hope you're all having a great day!

......jo

Copperbell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-08

Posts 956

11 posted 2004-07-01 05:51 PM

I think these are great!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

12 posted 2004-07-01 06:06 PM

Of course, now you have to start another
poem with "salt"...

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

13 posted 2004-07-01 06:34 PM

LOL@Karilea..
Excellent Jo...much enjoyed the challenge which was well met.
Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
Dancing with you in the summer rain ~

Snowflake From Hell
Senior Member

since 2003-07-10

Posts 777
My own little Icey Oblivion

14 posted 2004-07-01 08:58 PM

excellent indeed...good job on the both of them

Victims....aren't we all.

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