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Open Poetry #32
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Monday Blues
| Open Poetry #32 |
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Monday Blues |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace 
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Monday Blues why does it have to be this lonely a Monday blue of you not here five o’clock appointments missed maybe I should have known better and maybe I misunderstood for words can be so complicated and I never ask you for anything not even to promise but such is the way that the sun caresses how it’s touches burns me but that too will fade and there was a house high on a hill but the water there too was held coldly at bay so it too just flowed by |
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| © Copyright 2004 Helen Chambers - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Me too - you... jimmy |
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
Ah, yes, the pain of the blues . . . |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
sigh...... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
you write beautiful pain |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
A song always comes to mind..'rainy days and Mondays always get me down'....yeah, I really felt what you wrote, and wrote very well, I might add! ~S~ Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life |
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forne_marin Member
since 2004-04-13
Posts 140Spartanburg, South Carolina |
This is a good piece, and I enjoyed it, but I think it needs a little polishing. There is one specific (and in my opinion EASY) thing to do that would make worlds of difference. The main problem I have with this piece is it runs together. It's like one big run-on sentance. My suggestion is thus--put some line breaks in it. Put some pauses in to let the reader know when you've shifted images. It would make the piece much better. I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
I know the feeling... Enjoyed this Helen Hugs~ To have lived the dream of a love so true... |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
so it just flowed by o so forlorn can it return on the next wave |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
helen - your blusey touch comes through... BC |
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