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of the lighthouse - scene 4
| Open Poetry #31 |
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of the lighthouse - scene 4 |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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of the lighthouse Scene 4 The waves crash brusquely against the rocky base of the lighthouse I turn to peer at its shell-like structure its swelling marine-wood portals which once held me captive and through the salt-mist I release the tale of waffled jabberwocky that never-ending ping-pong game where baboon and mermaid once served over the bluntness of horizons net neither won straight sets then the dawn of sun met foam and rivulets in sand my night-long eyes flashed like thunderclap bent in palm of hand what a thrill- this creak to life this footless womb which holds me still green-leaved and glittering from my knees bent back and no longer scraping the edge of land Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. (by Virginia Woolf) [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (02-09-2004 03:12 PM).] |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Maree "and through the salt-mist I release the tale of waffled jabberwocky" It is good to have been there, and good to let it go....both together equal profound growth.  |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
fascinating! every time I decide to choose a favorite section, i get all bound up with indecision Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
enjoyed immensely, but my favorite part was "then the dawn of sun met foam and rivulets in sand my night-long eyes flashed like thunderclap bent in palm of hand" excellent use of some great poetic devices in this stanza...well done...what a read! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
then the dawn of sun met foam and rivulets in sand my night-long eyes flashed like thunderclap bent in palm of hand what a thrill- this creak to life this footless womb which holds me still green-leaved and glittering from my knees bent back and no longer scraping the edge of land ~*~ What a thrill, indeed!  |
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Richy Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050 |
“and through the salt-mist I release the tale of waffled jabberwocky” That’s it Maree, I want to know where this lighthouse is...  I could take that baboon’s place alright? You should see the wicked serve I have, it is... un returnable!  Seriously Maree, I love this lighthouse series you’re doing... I can feel the ocean mist, all the way over here...  |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
quote:This is what held me through. Not to say the rest was bad (not by any means), but it didn't hold up to the promise this first, WONDERFUL stanza sets up. Here, we have solidity. This is excellent as poetry or prose. Though the repetition of "its" was noticable, I think it could readily be resolved by simply deleting the second occurence. The subject's already set and I think it would push the image across with less of a hitch (in my mind). In all, Maree, I think this is very good; if you can adjust the rest to match the promise of the first, it would be excellent. (Though I must say, don't you dare get rid of "neither won straight sets". That's perfect. |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
"then the dawn of sun met foam and rivulets in sand" You are so talented! |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Yes, you're right Martie Hi Vas, and Thank you so very much. Thank you Steaven, I'm so happy to know you enjoyed. Thank you for stopping by.Hey Sunshinygirl, glad you thought so too Thank you.Hey Richy, nice to see you...the lighthouse the scenery is actually all in my mind;(you'll find it there heh) this poem is a mixture of fiction and fact. But there is a really nice one not to far from where I live. I could send you pics if you like. Thanks for your lovely comments Hi Christopher, yes I realised that the poem wasn't strong all the way through, after changing it several times I gave up (not good)trying. I appreciate your critique and funny you point out the repetition of "its" becasue I made sure I didn't do that with the "that's" hehe. I bumbed out anyway lol. "neither won straight sets" is staying right where it is. Again Christopher I thank you for your comments and advice iliana, what a lovely compliment... thank you. Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
You're abilities to construct these stories and yet maintain a brilliant poetic integrity is growing with each chapter dear. Hard to decide on a favourite passage, but you know which it is--lol. Hugs dear JThere is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
incredibly done! wow! |
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Richy Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050 |
Maree, I’ve been reading, “Mind Reading For Dummies” But I still can’t quite see that scenery in your mind... I think you better send me those pics...   |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
DarkAngel~ This is just wonderful ... I need to go find the others~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
then the dawn of sun met foam and rivulets in sand my night-long eyes flashed like thunderclap bent in palm of hand what a thrill- this creak to life this footless womb which holds me still green-leaved and glittering from my knees bent back and no longer scraping the edge of land loved these lines... and as always..am impressed... very nicely done.. |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Astounding write...so very much enjoyed Maree. ~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~ ~ Whatever our souls are made of, |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
nice  |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Jamie, yes dear I know which it is..it's my fav part too m'friend and thank you.Passing shadows, thanks for the "wow" glad you enjoyed. Richy, hehe you're so cute. Nor a problem son, I'll 'ave 'em to ya in a jiffy Marge, thanks. Cpat, you're too kind..Thank you Nancy, Hi! Thank you so much for your lovely reply and for stopping by. Hugs Vandana, glad you liked and thank you for the Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. (by Virginia Woolf) |
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Death Member
since 2001-05-26
Posts 112Twilight |
Images every line or could it be I am simply drawn to the Lighthouse either way, nice read awaiting thy next installmwnt "Sooner or later, Death makes a believer out of just about everyone." |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
hi Death Thank you for your lovely comment and for stopping by. Not sure though if there'll be another. Time will tell again thank you Beauty of the world which is soon to perish has two edges, one of laughter and one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder. |
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aujussy wolf
since 2003-08-09
Posts 1215Michigan |
Your choice of words is so refreshing this poem reminds me of an island not far from me that i visit in the summer , from there you can see 3 different lighthouses , the shores always feel like home. thanks for the flashback ...post more poems James |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
I love the recurring images in this series- especially that of baboon and mermaid in that age old struggle. what can I say but excellente? ~Tier |
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