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Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

0 posted 2004-02-01 05:19 PM

In your heart where
the dead men rose
the silence but
deadly story
unfolds

crushing crashing
the signs of a good
lashing are ahead
sometimes someway
its going to get
better with dread

rays of hatred
monsters of despire
the eyes of your souls
are just as bare your
heart has no pity no
love for no one but
your own.

the time goes by
the tired old sailor
sails along the shores
of time and disgust
as you plug on with your
internal lust for your
own precision

Unedited version

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....

Amara
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 158
East of the moon, west of the sun.

1 posted 2004-02-01 06:57 PM

Some parts of this are a bit confusing...but yet, it seems to fit. The way it's edited, the format, is nice- it flows, and hidden rhymes appear when you read it through. It's abstract, but in a dreamy way...AKA, it's good.

Light keep you always,
Amara

May light keep you, faith guide you, and love and laughter always find you.

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

2 posted 2004-02-01 06:58 PM

thanks

As my soul is abstract at times I don't even know what I'm writting. The enitites are having fun today

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....

Grover
Senior Member

since 2004-01-27

Posts 1967
London, ON, Canada

3 posted 2004-02-01 07:06 PM

Flows nice... good diction, imagery. (What's "despire" mean?) Overall, I think your going to end up with something worth your effort! Grover.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

4 posted 2004-02-01 08:50 PM

(big hugggsssssss) This is an intense and poignant write, sweet friend, emotions follow the ebb of your voice, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Julie, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"You'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights don't receive you
You should turn yourself around and come back home" MB20

iliana
Member Patricius

since 2003-12-05

Posts 13434
USA

5 posted 2004-02-01 11:41 PM

"the time goes by
the tired old sailor
sails along the shores
of time and disgust
as you plug on with your
internal lust for your
own precision"

This is an amazing statement, depending on how one perceives it!

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

6 posted 2004-02-02 12:02 PM

thank you all very much

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2004-02-02 04:43 AM

I agree with all above....keep writing on!

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

8 posted 2004-02-02 06:01 AM

ty

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....

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